Woke up by 6... Even though Ive been up wayyy past 2. Couldnt stay home... Went to BMCH... Couldnt stay there either, came home. 5 minutes in the house and I cant tolerate another minute here. Fidgeting to go back. Or just about anywhere. Most of the shops are closed. Not much of a shopper anyway. Could crash to someones place but... Cant think of even one name to dial at this hour. Plus, what with pre eid cleaning and cooking... Bleh. Cant think of a movie to download. Cant think of a book to borrow or buy... Meh. This house will never be a home again. Inside my head, there will always be a war being waged - just minimized into a taskbar icon. Constantly running. Ill never make up my mind about anything. Ill always drift before I begin to settle. Ill never be accepted/loved/understood/accompanied nor will the future change from bleak to vivid, which singlehandedly renders my existence pointless. Staying alive is madness. Quitters are the ones in charge. Staring at the piles of junk in my room...feeling suffocated. My room used to be the one place I could come to just to be alone... I feel like Ive lost it. The junk resonates all the crap inside my head... Screaming out loud. Ever seen a goldfish placed inside an empty jar?
Posted on: Sat, 04 Oct 2014 05:46:42 +0000