Wow. Went to pick up a copy of her MRI cd before we left... Never had an MRI read so quick in my life. Final report for her MRI was attached to the CD and got a huge sigh of relief to see no anomalies seen... Bittersweet moment. Great news to see no growths found... This just further proves the bitter part of the picture... Atypical presentation of regressive autism. I want to cry happy tears that there are no masses to worry about and I want to cry sad tears when I realize here again I am in a position with a child whom I love regardless... Thats not the issue in the least... But dammit, what I would give just to experience a neuro typical child... You dont realize how much those little things your kids do matter until you are raising a child or children who may or may not have those same experiences... A simple silly conversation about why the sky is blue... Asking me to go to chuck e cheeses, hell, just saying Hi, mom! Love you!... I would kill for that chance. So yes, its bittersweet. Thank god for nothing abnormal in her brain structurally... I just pray for the strength to raise two very special children and not completely fall apart in the process. Reminds me of things I have read others say, when they say they would never change their special needs child... I would never change the core of my child, but what I would give to see these kids experience normal growth. To say I am happy that my youngest is autistic and my oldest has a laundry list of issues... I am not. Its heartbreaking. Its frustrating. Its taxing and draining and exhausting. Maybe I am naive or ignorant, but I find it completely ridiculous when I hear people say I would never change my insert special need/disability here for the world... Ah well... Emotionally draining day and still have a lot to do yet on minimal sleep... I seriously need a vacation.
Posted on: Fri, 18 Oct 2013 20:21:00 +0000
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