Writing this post tonight is in many ways quite unbearable and unashamedly painful. It is with a rawness of beyond sadness, that we have to share with you all, that gentle brave Autumn was this afternoon set free and quietly put to sleep. Her bravery and incredible being, touched us so deeply and so profoundly that the devastation of her loss is at the moment a dark chasm of swirling emptiness deep within our chests. Her loss is selfishly painful. I know that her dignity, her awakening and Autumn as her own beautiful being, joined each and every one of you in your homes as you supported her journey and shared her courage. Its for this reason that we share her passing with you because this incredible little horse, who had previously very little understanding of being herself as a horse or freely functioning on instinct, felt your respect and earned your love and knew that she was not a disposable pony but was indeed a treasured and wanted soul. Our appreciation of your genuine care to her provided her with the opportunity to receive a short time where her horses needs were met and where she was never alone. A place where she found balance and safety and companions and realised that her energy was valued because it was her that was wanted and valued and not just her ability to perform or provide. Autumn was important and mattered and as a horse, these are what matters in life. Right up until the final hour, she was relaxed, bright eyed, interested in life, sharing space with the herd and taking steps forward. It was a busy day today and additionally we had visitors. Graeme Green and Jessie Sam had come to visit, on a day that was destined to involve them in differing ways, challenge their ability and demand of them to draw on an inner strength to support a pony when she truly needed us most. A high and unexpected request but one that they both accepted without question. Their unconditional love and genuine care stayed with her until the end and their support to us in that moment was given freely and for that we shall forever remain indebted. Please take comfort that Autumn found herself a pony at last and she learnt to trust and connect with humans in a way that she had never experienced before. A way through liberty and freedom of choice to reach out and feel safe. She spent a week without stress or restriction or dominance or abuse. A week where she could graze or roam, connect or rest at will. This morning she wanted to walk with us. So we walked with her through our Plantation field. This field of about 15 acres has copses and avenues of beautiful trees. Its an arboretum of colour and honour. One avenue contains the the graves of many special horses and ponies who are also free spirits now. The heavy rain had departed leaving glorious shining green to orange autumn leaves and thick glistening grass underfoot. As we strolled and chatted, Autumn walked quietly and serenely with us. Roaming with no particular agenda or mission. Her beautiful chestnut coat was soft and glossy and her velvety muzzle investigating the fauna. Gentle Autumn deserved this beautiful time of peaceful simple pleasure. She plucked the grass and we fell into step with her. Stopping at pauses and roaming at will. Such a silent soul she was, fragile as a thoroughbred could be yet containing a heart like a lioness. Tiny feet with slender legs, that carried historic scars and injuries that she stoically boar. Unassuming, yet holding a presence of being that she was completely unaware of. Presently the herd saw her as she came through one of the avenues and they called and came over. Jamal our presence mare re connected with her immediately, with soft nostril contact and soft open eyes. Two arched heads together in bonded trust. They held this joining amicably and for some time. What communication took place is between the two of them and shall forever remain as such. Other herd members joined and chose their own space. It was a time for horses to be horses and it was sound and as always authentic. Possibly an hour passed with all the horses engaging, status updating, mutual grooming. Autumn was bright eyed, calm, at ease and content. Rugs from the overnight rain were removed and she shared their space and was whole and complete. The herd again gave her the opportunity to be a horse and find inner balance. From a horses point of view thats a good safe feeling. There was no sign that shortly she would have left her physical body behind and we would all feel her loss. It came suddenly and unexpectedly but we were all with her until the end. If it had not happened at that moment, then it could have been far more traumatic for her later. It is thought by her immediate reaction that something deeply hidden inside suddenly gave without warning. She was supported entirely during this time, a time we would all prefer did not happen but a time when she was unbelievably brave and in the face of trauma demonstrated the absolute gentleness to humans that she possessed. My admiration and respect for this amazing beautiful and gentle giving being can never be undone. The love and support around her gave her the courage to be calm. The vet was swift and respectful as we held her protectively, trying our hardest to be brave for her and engulf her with reassurance and love and dignity. Her passing was quiet and heart wrenching. We owed her such an action yet we all wanted for it not to be so. We had to accept what was happening yet an inner voice cried out for it to be different. We cradled her and waited with her and spoke in praise and comfort until we knew for sure that she could hear us no more. We share our grief with you all for this little pony. The lesson and legacy she is leaving is bigger than she could ever imagine. Her value is immense and we ask you to continue sharing her energy and love. Please take a moment to smile with love for her soul and send her an embrace of safety for her journey onwards. Here are some pictures of her today, a time of beautiful Autumn as she will be remembered by us all.
Posted on: Fri, 10 Oct 2014 23:03:13 +0000
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