Yesterday I found out to my great and sorrowful suffering that my ex or as I call him Kevin Denny Sr THE COWARD is planning his wedding in Hawaii. Hawaii was the place he was to take me this past January on our 5th year anniversary. Instead, he got engaged to a woman ,from what I can tell is simply after what he can do for her. Do I sound bitter, well the pain still exist. He is still messing up my life from like a hand from a grave in many ways. I tried to rent a lot to camp on and because of something he has done I now cant even rent anything. Why I am posting this? I suppose because I feel humiliated and even though you guys know nothing about this, I am well despised by many people in the towns of Loganville and Snellville and it reaches to South Carolina. Please know in my heart I already know I have done not one thing to anyone and especially Kevin Denny. It is only my intent to share this because to be quite frank I am alone. I have a couple of people who check on me, and I am grateful to those people and you know who you are. Besides the couple of friends I face everyday alone, with no one having my back. In fact not only this, but there are people who wish me harm from the Denny family. I have resigned myself to being alone and have no desire to meet anyone, or ever be in any type of relationship again. If you think this is a temporary feeling I beg to differ.My plan is to live out the rest of my life alone, homeless and await the day I can return home where no of this will even matter. I am not trying to sound bleak, I do not have to try , for it is bleak. My own father shows me daily I am a pest at best , and the people I thought were my friends have proven otherwise. I have lost everything, but somehow with all of this, people are still complaining about the most ridiculous things, and me being in the situation I am in, most have no empathy. I understand that until a person has walked in anothers shoes it s difficult to fully grasp what it is like to say be homeless or have a mental illness. I think for me personally I know I always look into anothers heart, not once have I looked at the surface alone. If people would really see me then they would see a person who at times is so scared she doesn tknow which way to turn. They would see a woman who is kind and good but is wounded and no one has tried to help with the pain and suffering. They may also see someone who is lonely maybe for all of her life and who is ready to go home at any time. I dont know I think sometimes I will just leave the only earthly possessions I own behind and leave. I I could get to where I wanted to be I would just go. Truth be known, I make no bones about how I feel about being on this planet. I have strong belief and convictions about why we are here and our purpose. I am nearing the end of mine. This is something I have known for many years. Most of you do not know this about me but I am a mystic. If you dont actually know what this means please look up the word. Albert Einstein was a mystic, jesus was a mystic. I am one by nature not by choice. So by telling you this, I am not trying to hide anything, or am I attempting to gain anything. I am simply at a place in my life where I dont care who knows what. I have nothing to hide or to be ashamed of , nor do I care what anyone thinks. I do however still deeply love my fellow human beings and all the beings here for the purpose of just having the experience. I am daily filled with the love I have, yet I have ended up in this place to live out the rest of my days being not needed or even loved to the same degree as I put out into the world. I am not complaining or am I saying I am entitled to having people love me deeply. All I am saying is the truth , the real truth and because I believe I chose this for myself, before I ever came to this planet,I have accepted that this life time was suppose to suck. I know it was written this way, For me I take full responsibility for all that has happened to me. God is not making me suffer, Kevin Denny may have been the catalyst but ultimately it falls on my shoulders and if you have read this and think I am blaming others you have missed the boat entirely. I may be speaking truths about these situations, I can even say Kevin Denny is a coward and a cad, but this still doenst mean I hold and harbor blame. He is a child of God. Perhaps a misguided and selfish version of one, but nevertheless he is still a divine being. Here in the flesh though he has a long way to go before he can balance the karma of what he has purposefully done to me. He put me on the streets and I have forgiven him. I havent forgotten but I have forgiven. So I end this update by saying to those who have shown me compassion, or offrered me a pace to rest my head, or a meal, I am eternally grateful to you. For those who have said or offered nothing God bless you too , may you NEVER know the feeling of being homeless or hungry. My family members who have shown not one inkling of caring, then I also pray for you to never know the suffrering I have endured. Until you have no idea where you may end up or if the nearest bridge will be the place you may have to sleep then one simply cant imagine what it is like. If the only option you have is to stay at a place that is not safe,and you fear many things can happen then it is impossible for you to know. in my life I have taken in about 4 homeless people. I did it because my heart broke for these souls in need. I had so much back then and they had nothing so I wanted to share with them hope and love by showing them I cared. It is not that I expected this in return one day.for I never knew I would end up this way. I did what I did because that is who I am. Just because I love more than I am loved, doesnt mean I will stop loving. it has made e question my own self worth over the years. As this thing with Kevin has done. When someone declares I dont want you , and says I want her then it is like treading water to keep your head afloat so you are not lost in t a sea of unworthiness in your own mind. Thank you for reading my thoughts and whats in my heart. I hope you all understand For whatever happens to you or me was meant to be No reason to fight reality it will only make your suffering worse. I accept reality and all that it involves. I am ready to return to source. I am weary and tired, but yet my heart still shines with love. I doubt many of you will read this or even understand , but I didnt post this for you, I posted it for me so I may have a place to speak my truth. God bless you all and rememeber to love another deeply. It is our essence and it is your guide. If anyone has anything negative to say to me please know really dont need criticism or anyone trying to save my eternal soul. I did need a friend or helping hand, now I need nothing. I have not ever asked for anything, I do ask to keep any feelings that are negative towards me to yourself. I am a somewhat fragile heart. My glass heart has been broken too many times to repair. BIg and great love to all of you ....................
Posted on: Sat, 15 Nov 2014 15:12:41 +0000
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