Yesterday, I tried to hang myself. But not in the way youre thinking. See, theres more than one way to hang yourself. So glad to see you well. Overcome and completely silent. Now, with heavens help, You cast your demons out. Theres the obvious way. The one with a rope and a high place and a strong knot. Thats the way a lot of people go with. It has the sickly sweet appeal of finality. That endless silence that far too many broken souls so desperately seek. And not to pull your halo down… Around your neck and tug you off your cloud. But Im more than just a little curious How youre planning to go about Making your amends… To the dead. To the dead... See, theres more than one way to hang yourself. You can choke the life away with isolation and self hatred. Its slower than the rope approach. And there are risks. Theres no guarantee of that silent, eternal release. Something might get in the way. Someone might interfere. Recall the deeds as if theyre all… Someone elses atrocious stories. Now you stand reborn before us all. So glad to see you well... But if you stick to it, youll achieve the same goal. Death by suffocation. On a long enough time scale, filling yourself with enough self-hate will get you there. Youll find yourself alone in some shitty little room with a bottle/pocket of pills/needle and a head full of the deepest dark. Youll stare into the mirror and have only one thought remaining. Youll have only one thing left to say before they finally plant you: I. Cant. Breathe. And not to pull your halo down… Around your neck and tug you to the ground. But Im more than just a little curious How youre planning to go about making your amends… To the dead To the dead. But remember, there are risks. Something might get in the way. Someone might interfere. Well, those risks caught up with me. Rather quickly, too. I turned my phone off and began the long journey inward. I began to squeeze. I slept. I slept and I dreamed of things so horrible I dare not describe them for fear of making them become real. And when I woke up I saw my phone was, somehow, on. Im sure I turned it off. I made a point to turn it off. I made sure to tie that knot strong. And yet, here it was. On. And flashing. And ringing. And vibrating. It shook the bed. It shook my soul. Remember, there are risks. Something got in the way. Someone interfered. With your halo slipping down... Your halo slipping... Your halo slipping down Your halo slipping down Your halo slipping down… Your halo slipping down to choke you now… The something was love. The someone was you. There are too many of you to mention here. Thank you. Im sorry. Thank you. Im sorry. Im not alright. But Im still here. Kiddo, someday you might read this. I hope not. But maybe. Find it in your heart to forgive me? Your dads something of an idiot. Ok, a lot more than something. Im not alright. But Im still here.
Posted on: Fri, 12 Dec 2014 09:03:05 +0000
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