Yesterday, a Facebook friend and I finally met up, and it nearly became a disaster. As he shared, he was from not one, but two of the most anti-gay churches here. Little did I realize, years of internalizing the hurtful words spewed by members of those churches not only harmed him, but triggered some anger inside me. I remembered, after describing the community in a bad light, one famous speaker offered an empty consolation: Why cant we agree to disagree? The conversation grew tenser and tenser, and soon we were defensive and accusing each other. A heavenly intervention came in an unrelated phone call, and while he went for a toilet break, I had time to reflect. Fortunately, I saw the error of my way. He was using some of the phrases in the right ways, but I got triggered by the memories of the same utterance by a less friendly intent. Im sorry, I said as this friend sat down, I have been many times luckier than you. My family never stopped loving me after I came out. But you had to deal with what those people say to you every week. The fact that you survived and arrived at a place of love should be celebrated, instead I was judging you. I often thought I could contribute to others, without realizing what others can contribute to myself. This friend opened my heart and mind once more, to allow me to see his strength and love. Im so thankful and moved. We all grew up with the scars and wounds of abusive words, so we are all ready to become defensive and do battle even amongst ourselves. But with mindfulness, we can see our reflections in others and still forge a beautiful connection.
Posted on: Sun, 04 Jan 2015 23:37:49 +0000