Yesterday will go down as the day I ate three pineapples and a loaf of bread. Not superloaf, No. Broadways. The brown one. I decided to go to my homeplace without notice. On the way I was tempted to buy pineapples not once but thrice. They were being sold at a hundred shillings only for five. Thanks to my patience and hard-to-get nature, I got a better offer of six for the same price. Who wouldnt want these type of temptations. No sooner had the guy taken the money than Satan instructed the driver to drive off. I was left with six pineapples and a black paper bag on my hands. In my mind is the fading resonance of the phrase, leta pesa utafunga kwa njia. I wish I hadnt paid beforehand. With the help of the next seat passenger (a pastor I presume) I loaded them in the paper bag. Problem solved. Along the way some Starehe Girls chick (chick because she was small, otherwise a lady) borrowed my phone to call her mum. It turned out that they had really missed each other, or rather her mum had missed quarrelling her. The result was that my phones battery ended up being low. I think the mother was recharging her quarrels with every minute of talking - using my phones charge. On reaching a place called Gatuya, my home village I checked in at a local shop and ordered bread and even insisting on a brown one please to make sure everyone knew I ate healthy. On arrival home, I found no one in sight. Not even the shamba boy nor the dogs. The place was all locked up. Meanwhile I remembered that my stomach was full with hunger and that I needed to eat healthy. And what did I do? Good question! I peeled off a pineapple and started eating with intervals of bread bites. It proved to be a great invention and an instant hit. By the time I came back to my senses, I had consumed three pineapples and a loaf of bread. My father finally came with the keys but found me in the toilet. Well, I slept in the toilet with random trips to the house - to get tissue. Anyway, my point is - Ive never heard of a constipation related death. If you happen to read of one in the news, dont bother reading out the name, Ill be that guy.
Posted on: Fri, 15 Aug 2014 04:18:59 +0000
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