You cant unring the bell, but you can make it just one note in your song. Everyone has those moments, lifes big moments. The first kiss at your wedding when the sunshine envelopes just you two and the breeze carries everyone else away. The moment a little plastic stick says youre pregnant. The moment the nurse puts your child in your arms and you cant believe you lived 38 years without her there. Those are moments in time you can live over and over and feel that rush of emotion like drug coursing through your body. But if you have ever suffered a loss, had a life threatening illness or had someone you love go through the pain of loss or illness, you know that those are moments, too. When the doc says its cancer, theres this moment when you know that things will never be the same. You cant unring that bell. There will never be another moment before the moment you had cancer. I will not say this last year has been easy, or that I saw it as part of my song, my symphony of life, but I did see it as a part of my journey. I had no idea how big a part it would be, or how crazy things would get five operations and two separate cancer events later. But Im here on my 56th birthday still recovering, still learning to breathe, forever thinking about my next verse. What notes will be played? I wonder about this knowing that I have two incredible brothers who care, the absolute best friends for laughing, loving, swearing (loudly) and crying all at the same time. I have a daughter who has grown into an amazing woman and who wants to share in my life and has learned how precious that life is to share and says I love you, mom often and deeply. And after almost 35 years of sharing my life with him, 25 years to the day we eloped, I still have a man I adore, who can kiss me in the sunlight and make the world disappear on the breeze. I can not unring the bell of cancer that rang too often this year. I cannot change the fear, or worry or pain that were a part of the journey these past 9 months, but I can heal and I can grow and I can continue my symphony. Happy anniversary, Scott and Happy birthday to me.
Posted on: Mon, 21 Jul 2014 11:40:33 +0000
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