You knock on my door this fine Sunday afternoon I have planned to spend just lying around doing nothing. I come out and you embark on a long explanation why you cannot pay your N5k monthly security fees. I listen patiently, I am already tired of this Estate Security Association Secretary thingie sef, where I go from house to house knocking on doors to collect monthly dues. Sometimes, I feel like a tax collector, they hide inside and refuse to open their doors however hard I knock. At other times, come today, come tomorrow - I return 5,6,7,8 times before I see the money. Once or twice, I get a man who calls me and washes me down for coming to his house the umpteenth time and asking madam to inform him that we cannot continue to wait, security and police have to be paid and na me dem know as the person wey dey hol their money. I have even had the one who shushed me mid sentence: You are a woman, you should not even be here. I shushed him back immediately with a reprimand that stopped him in his tracks too. Tired and determined to hand over as soon as I sort out the payments for this month, I stand listening to todays visitor talk about how he has bills to pay, he is running two homes (na me send you?), he is doing some renovation (so?), his children will be coming for a visit (wouldnt you rather pay security if that were the case?). I am a bit bored, turning over in my mind, options of fried plantain with sweet potatoes for lunch or regular white rice and stew when with half an ear, I hear him say: Anyway, you will not understand. If you were a man now, you will appreciate what I am saying. Your own is to sit at home, watch DSTV and eat food. Ehn, Sorry Sir, what did you just say? And he repeated it! Oga, I OWN this house, pick up my own bills and have not defaulted a single day on my security dues so what exactly are you talking about? Ahn ahn, what of Oga? Which Oga? And he stood there gazing up at me sheepishly. I excuse myself, walk back into my house, shut the door and go back to dreaming up what fantastic concoction would titillate the taste buds without wreaking extra havoc on the waistline this afternoon! You see, I like guys. Have no problems with them, I am not one of those that think running down men is a way of life or see just evil in them, but SOME men! SOME men!! SOME men!!! Eesorait!
Posted on: Sun, 12 Oct 2014 11:14:48 +0000
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