You know sometimes I think a lot about ending it all. Whats the point of being here. I cant find a job. I am depressed, I know I hide it very well but it lingers like an acid slowly seeping into me and dissolving me. One by one my levels of will and hope are being taken away from me and I cant stop it. And so I hide it and put up a front. Oh ya there are jobs if you want to work on a line in a factory. Tried that twice First time I almost had a heart attach. I went through a temp agency and they sent me to a factory south of Aberfoyle, thought I was going to a reception or admin job. But it was on the line lifting heavy bags of dog food and placing on skids. I almost had a heart attach, I turned very pale and almost passed out, Luckily a supervisor saw me and knew immediately I was having trouble, they were very concerned that I was sent out in the first place and and made sure that there was someone to help me get home. Everyone else there was half my age. I told the temp agency that they should have told me what the job entailed. I could have died. And that they should make sure that someone is up to the job that they send them too. But I guess all they care about is making money. I had told them I wanted a desk job when I had went for an interview, as I am very computer literate and that is what I thought I would get, after all they had me there for over an hour doing all kinds of computer skills to show what I knew. Did they get this through there thick heads, NO. Then the next assignment they sent me on was at Linimar. It was shift work and again I thought it was Computer or admin related. Turned out to be on the line again. At least the last place had air conditioning. This place just had fans everywhere. Well I was there working for about two or three hours and suddenly the supervisor who was standing on the other side of the line happened to glance my way. She screamed out to the guy next ot me, Quick grab him, it was lucky he did because I had a heat stroke. I had turned chalk white and was wobbling on my feet. They got me to a chair and I was shaking uncontrollably. They gave me a plastic bottle of water and I tried to raise it to me mouth. My hand was shaking so hard that it was just sloshing everywhere. Again I was sent home escorted by the supervisor in her car. Damn will these damn temp agencies not get it through their frigging heads. I am too old for lione work. I am not a young buck any more. I really am getting closer and closer to the end of my rope. The only thing that is holding me here is that it would affect my family too much. But my strength of will grows less and less as time goes on. Why are there no frigging Jobs out there. If I could only get one I would be fine. I am a burden to my partner who I am making struggle financially. I feel like a piece of shit. But like that song goes, I will survive, Hey Hey. A least I hope.
Posted on: Tue, 12 Nov 2013 12:29:42 +0000
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