You know those times when you feel like your legs have been kicked out from under you??…When your breath is taken away by what you perceive as a gross injustice and attack on your personal integrity??? Well that is how I am feeling right now and it hurts ~ deeply! I feel that I am so openly honest and vulnerable ~ actually to the point of potential embarrassment! But I am willing to risk this embarrassment that saner people would like to avoid ;) to be true to my inherent desire to be seen completely unmasked as I really am at my core ~ because the my greatest desire that sits at the very center of my being is to be really felt and understood as I really am. I have nothing to hide. So in this place of deep vulnerability, when I am misconstrued to the point of someone else’s fear projections that result in a personal attack, it feels physically, emotionally and spiritually devastating. I am piecing together my tender pieces and realizing that not everyone will get me and that is ok. That is the sad reality of human nature. But does it feel ok in my heart? It is not the desire to be liked that I am seeking. Hell no! I am way too imperfect like the rest of us mere mortals for that! I would not expect to be liked by everyone. That is humanly impossible. It is the DESIRE TO BE SEEN that drives me. But I guess my human failing around this is not realizing or yet completely accepting that no matter how open and vulnerable you are, not everyone will see you, because we all look though our own eyes that are shaped by our own experiences and projections of ourselves. It is through these subjective lenses that we can be blinded to even the person stripped bare and standing before us…. I have a workshop to run 24 hours from now and some people would say, push it down and get on with it but all of my training says ‘to heal we must feel’. So I am feeling and crying and releasing ~ Breathing out pain, breathing in self-love… for there is nothing else. And I will come to my workshop wherever I am at in that moment, heart open and vulnerable; but most of all ready to hold sacred space and lead others through a process of feeling and releasing whatever it is they also no longer need to carry
Posted on: Thu, 27 Nov 2014 20:50:28 +0000
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