You know what scares me? I don’t want a girlfriend. The reason why is because I’ll end up dying at an early age, and I won’t be able to make it back to her. I don’t mind dying if its effect is minimal. The problem with building new relationships is this expectation that should be around to have one. I don’t believe in others ability to take care of my memory. I’m a little scared that this might actually occur, and as much as I don’t want to face life, the thought of leaving someone I love behind is terrifying! That’s why I meditate, I want to be in the same condition so that I am easily identifiable in the after-life. It’s just a thought, and it has been really hard to deal with. I am in complete control of things the way they are, and I don’t want any unhealthy variables to enter my mind. I’m speaking about people of course, I guess I’ve seen enough them to want to puke. I don’t care about their stupid lives, and I don’t want to be reminded that I can’t be a part of them. I know I’m supposed to know that smoking is unhealthy, but I refuse to believe it. I’m more concerned about preserving my mind than my body. I don’ t really understand much about the world, but I can translate that confusion by accepting that I’ve been lied to before. I don’t practice political medicine, and I don’t partake it its futuristic vision. I don’t mind the thought of death as long as things stay the way they are. I think my life is pretty perfect. I find the less I know, the more there is to live for. I wouldn’t trade my mind for yours any day. Just because I don’t have these silly friendships doesn’t mean I don’t have a family that cares about me, even if they don’t in heaven I’m sure someone will care. Regardless of what happens to me, I think I did a pretty good job here, I was as kind as I could possibly be, and I was relentless to take notes on the situation. I probably aged too fast, and not that I am even mature, I still think I have done enough to roll over and die about it. If I had to choose this life as an accommodation to bide time, I think it was wisely spent, and more so, I think I realize the choice was a tough one to make. Although I disagree with the way the world works, I would think it all worthwhile to discover someone who proactively cares enough to work things out. I could have done better I’m sure, but the realization I succumb to is the less I impact this world, the more it has to offer me. I won’t be fretting over a lifestyle that entraps me to possess it, I just want to go into a deep, deep sleep that I won’t ever have to wake up from. Communication is a valuable thing, and I think I place too much emphasis on making people understand the way things were when I was alive. History has played a big, BIG part in my interest here, and for the life of me I can stop it from repeating. I don’t think I’ll stop to smell the roses as much, I don’t think about hardly anything but escaping this nightmare, and I’m pretty sure you do too. As long as I can minimize the effects of my passing, I believe I can stay at odd intervals with death and its unquestionable consequences. I feel that for some reason, I haven’t been afforded any rights at all, yet I pay taxes and I do what I’m supposed to do. I thought in doing this, that if I ever needed to utilize my rights in due process I would have these things available, the truth is I’ve been suppressed in regards to anyone wanting to understand my situation. I don’t belong in jail, and the automated process of conviction these days indicates our public psyche is in poor condition. I’m not dropping bombs or anything, but I feel the need to destroy me doesn’t deserve the time of day, because no one really knows me, and no one understands what lengths I go to to be a good person. I really wonder what someone is thinking, incarcerating a perfectly good explanation, but I feel that society would rather punish for simply existing rather than valuing what a good thing they are about to lose, Me!
Posted on: Sat, 26 Oct 2013 05:53:15 +0000
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