You might want to read this. A few years ago our old house burnt down. At the time we werent living in it and Dans step mother was. Luckily, we were insured and everyone was safe although my step-MIL lost all her possessions in the house. Unfortunately, as these things seem to go it caused a bit of a rift between family members. Things became quite sour and Dan and myself were both very hurt about it. I wanted to run away. I couldnt bear the thought of being in the same town. What if I ran into them at the shops? We put our house on the market and I waited impatiently for it to sell so I could run home to my mum and people that I loved and not be stressed and worried anymore. And then I had a small epiphany. DESPITE what the other parties may have felt - I. Did. Nothing. Wrong. There was no need for me to run away because I had every damn right to be here. I wondered what the worst thing that could happen was if I bumped into these people that I was still feeling upset with. And I decided I could live with that worst thing. And it did happen. And you know what? It wasnt that bad. They pretended they didnt see me. And I lived here happily for the next three and a half years with barely a handful of interactions. I have spent a great deal of time on Facebook lately not being me. Because I didnt know what to write. Because everything I wrote was being read and analysed and fed back to people that I cared about. I second guessed EVERYTHING I wrote and imagined you reading it and wondering what conclusions you would draw from them. It stole joy from me and from the people whom I would have shared it with because I stopped talking about my daily life, only sharing non-personal items. I could have been anyone at all. There was no me in my posts. I have a public profile. I have ABSOLUTELY nothing to hide. I never write anything on here that I wouldnt be happy for the whole world to know. And I never think anything that I wouldnt say. Because I am a good person. And my family and friends are on here and apparently a lot of people enjoy hearing about what my children and myself get up to. Recently I created a whole other profile. Because I wanted to run away and I added friends that I loved and trusted to share in my life only. And today I decided I am NOT running away. I will not censor myself. This is what I have always done. So yes, this is specifically a message for you. Maybe you wont even see if because I hope that eventually you might get tired of the mass amount of energy you project into keeping tabs on what Im up to. But until such time, Ill just stay here and be me. Like I have always been.
Posted on: Sun, 08 Jun 2014 08:32:56 +0000
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