You try to remember your fathers face, or anything that will perhaps keep his memory alive but all you have now are all of these photo albums full of a distinct memory of a better more content and happy time in your parents lives when all seemed so WELL you can tell by the lightness in their eyes the carefree smiles painted on their youthful glowing skin under the afternoon sun in europe in brussels belgium in papua new guinea where they first met and married. With your father fresh out of Law school and your mother a twenty something, whom resembled a princess or young starlet,There, surrounded by lawyers and natives and their little bouncy black babies, this happened, and without this photograph you cannot possibly understand your mother or your fathers history that bound them together under that californian sun. But it was under that californian sun that it all went wrong. And at the kingdom hall of jehovahs witnesses you would sit there next to her and remember when your father would laugh and pick you up and throw you over his fleshy shoulder of sicilian blooded man in the pool when he had visitation rights on the weekends only. And your mother would wear sunglasses under that warm sun looking all so pretty as pictures except for the purple stain around her left eye that would soon wear away after changing your brothers diaper all on her own, until a younger man was noticed at the meeting, who spoke deep, with blue eyes and blond hair slicked back and some nights after getting undressed and looking at her naked figure in the bathroom would wonder ,when it all slipped away. When the last memory you will ever have of her will be the distant look of disappointment for not finishing what was left on your plate so instead of being sent to your room you had to sit there for an hour wondering why you could not leave the table. Until the man she was now touching in her bed instead of your father was standing beside you smiling, you know this because you heard her moan and his lazy groan as you walked past her door one night. But this was not the memory you chose to remember was it? No, instead you forever will see your mother running after the car you are driving away in as she finally loses breath holding that bag of oranges , but you are a child and then you remember that she was the same person that told you she loved you before going to bed every night and how it comforted you into that dark passage of sleep. This is the memory you will forever keep of her in blue jeans, blonde disheveled hair, looking so pretty but tired, under that underpass street beneath that Californian sun. Where you would all gather round together out side the front of west and 23rd Street with those glorious trees and hear the distant incomprehensible murmur of the hispanics across the street ,as the wind whistled through those careless leaves of west and 23rd street as you helped your mother gather your dirty laundry and filled black garbage bags and piled them onto pram and all linked hands sometimes singing sometimes running your hand along the expanse of football field fence, under that starry californian sky on the way to the laundry mat where you and your younger sister would sit in the gutter until mother required your tiny little hands for help. And the man with slicked back hair keeps smiling at you like you should smile back now just because he can smile and walk around the house clapping his hands like its a real skill that he has acquired throughout his meaningless life, or maybe he just likes to clap, you think, but either way its working wonders on you and you begin to take to this man and his affections, but you still miss your fathers hearty laugh and oversized silver head full of teeth and wonder when they will get back together ,and your mother decides to move to the other side of the world to be with her mother , it seems like a good idea to go with her instead of staying with your whack job father whom it all went wrong for after she divorced him and he went crazy leaving a thousand abusive messages on a secretaries answering machine late one night when he realized you were never coming back. This is when your father lost it. Under that californian sun where it all came undone. Now your a teenager and things are happening. you die your hair black and your brother is smoking pot Your mother goes nuts herself and decides to divorce the man with the now receding slick back and then remarry him after she decides she needs more drama in her life. If raising 4 little brats with american accents aint enough she had to move to a remote island with more rednecks than texas because she missed the blue sky and real australian meat pies. You ask yourself if this was a good enough reason to leave your now overweight depressed father on his own but then life happens and you decide that you hate high school, so, you take long bush walks instead of going to maths class and your mother takes up a new hobby, scavenging ,that soon turns into full-time job and before you know it there are strangers walking into your house after school entering quickly as you direct them down into the garage where your mother rarely rears her scruffy blonde mess of hair from ,if only to yell at you for doing your daily chores late. again. Your father sends you long letters on pieces of lined yellow paper telling you how much he loves and misses you and sends you a tiny picture of his rainbow colored parrot ,chipper until one day his phone calls and letters stop and you suddenly look down and puberty is all too much to handle on your own so you get a cat thats your best mate and you carry her everywhere around in your baggy sweater a she purrs onto your skin sometimes too hard but you deicide it means she loves you besides its more affection than your mother ever shows you anymore because you can hear her affection above your head going into this new man that came over one day to fix the scan machine and stayed far too long but he made you smile and you noticed a smile appear on your mothers face, the kind you hadnt seen in a while now so you decided to make them both dinner one night, you even light candles, and your mother marries this clown in your backyard , just out of the navy and hes got a mark on his chin that looks like he spilt tomato sauce and it stuck. You try not to stare at it when he speaks to you. But the more he stays the more you suddenly miss your father and wonder what he is doing, but find out that he hasnt left the house in months and now owns 7 television sets and sleeps in his own piss. Years slip away. you lose your virginity to the boy with the wild hair and big eyes who likes to dance around on stage, who is popular and you cant believe hes even showing any interest in you and you never thought you were attractive so you hide your real features and soft skin under layers of orange makeup, but he tells you how beautiful you are and you believe it and even after he turns out to be a psycho who calls you every hour asking, what are you doing ? you decide to stay with him even though your heart belongs to the boy with the pain in his eyes that seem to burn when your eyes meet and he calls you up at a night and tells you how nice the sound of your voice is , but youre only17 years old for christs sake ,and your torn by lover and soul mate and your boyfriend shows you how much he loves you by writing a song about you and gives it to you on a cassette tape that you play and cry. for a good 1 minute.
Posted on: Mon, 04 Nov 2013 23:59:48 +0000
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