Your marriage is not your identity as a Muslimah. Your identity is as a slave of Allah SWT. Allah SWT says in Surah At-Tahrim: Allah presents an example of those who disbelieved: the wife of Noah and the wife of Lot..” and then in the next verse: And Allah presents an example of those who believed: the wife of Pharaoh”. Who was Pharaoh? He was the greatest oppressor to walk this earth yet his wife Asiya (as) was one of only four women who the Prophet peace be upon him said has achieved perfection of iman. Despite being married to the worst of men, her status and her iman were of the highest amongst the women who have walked this earth. Similarly, the wives of Lut and Nuh peace be upon them were married to men of perfect iman yet they were disbelievers. In these two verses he refers to the women not by their names by by their husbands to show the contrast between them. This example that Allah SWT puts forward to us shows that husbands and marriages are not the benchmark by which you measure your success in your iman. Rather your iman is an individual struggle and one which you alone will be accountable for since your husband will not answer for you on the Day of Judgment. I speak of this because I find that women when going through hardship and struggles with their marriages tend to feel down about their iman as well. Being more emotional in nature, we also tend to let it affect our iman as well. Women easily feel like failures and start to feel like the success of their marriage is a sign of whether their status with Allah SWT is great or not. You can be married to the best of men and have no iman like the wives of Nuh and Lut peace be upon them or you can be married to the worst of men like Firaun and attain perfection of iman. For some people, their struggle and test is through their marriage. For others it is through their health or through their wealth or through their children or through many other things. You should not feel when looking at others who don’t appear to be going through the test you are going through that they do not have their own tests. This life is a test for the believers so we will be tested in different ways. Do not let things and people overcome your primary purpose in life which is to worship Allah SWT. Fulfill the rights of others upon you and fulfil Allah’s rights upon you. Those who wrong you will be held accountable on the Day of Judgment but you want to stand on the Day of Judgment with a clear conscience. Sisters are in all different situations - some are married, some are single, some are widowed, some are divorced, some are having trouble bearing children. We have examples from the great women of all sorts of women. Maryam (as) was a woman without a husband who raised a child just as many women today raise children alone. Zaynab (radi allahu anha) was divorced before she married the Prophet peace be upon him. It did not make her unworthy of marrying the best of creation. Aisha (radi allahu anha) was married but did not have children yet her status is high and much of our religion has been passed on through her. Life is short. It is as the Prophet peace be upon him said as if we have stopped under a tree for a short break. Do not let the success or the failure of your marriage define you as a person. Rather make the priority Allah SWT in your life and not a human being because human beings being weak will disappoint you but Allah SWT never will. May Allah SWT make things easy for all those struggling with any test they are going through.
Posted on: Sat, 25 Oct 2014 12:44:30 +0000
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