Your responses to the emphasis on #breastfeeding this week have been great! With permission, I am sharing a very personal story from one mama who has struggled with breastfeeding. Heres her story. {Do you have a story? I would love to share it anonymously - each of our stories can impact, encourage and help another mama!} :::Hey Shannon! I just saw your post about breastfeeding and wanted to share my experience with you, but didnt really want to post it in the comments. I think its such a beautiful thing that youre serving moms as a doula! This ended up being super long, but I hope it might help a mom you work with someday. If you would have asked me while I was pregnant, I would have told you the number one thing I was committed to was breastfeeding. I was willing to let go of attempts to cloth diaper and make my own baby food, but not breastfeeding. I was going to exclusively breastfeed my son and do so for at least the first year of his life. Unfortunately, this was not my reality. Things went really smoothly until we came home. When my son was awake, he cried constantly unless he was nursing and when he did nurse, would quickly fall asleep. At 4 days old, my milk had not yet come in and he had lost almost a pound and a half. Our pediatrician recommended supplementing with formula. The first time we gave it to him, I wept. My milk did come in by day 4-5, but I could feel in my gut that things still werent right. He was still nursing constantly, falling asleep and the breast and seemed to be always hungry. I scheduled an appointment with a lactation consultant and discovered he was transferring less than an ounce of breast milk from both breasts. This began a journey that became an obsession and ultimately, an idol. I was determined to fix my problems with breastfeeding. I was told by lactation consultants that the problems should be temporary and, if I worked really hard for a few days, I should be able to wean from supplementation. I have supplemented at the breast, pumped like crazy and spent hundreds of dollars on herbs and prescription medications. I have researched hormonal issues (I am hypothyroid and have PCOS), insufficient glandular tissue (I have some mild markers) and tongue and lip ties (he had both revised at 4 months). I have eaten the right foods and stayed hydrated. With all if this work, I have maxed out at about 15-16 oz of milk per day. My son Evan is now 5 months old and I still give him every drop of milk that I make and supplement with formula to meet then remainder of his needs. While I have reached a level of peace with this situation, the grief is something few can understand. While Ive gotten connected with a support group through Facebook, I have yet to meet a flesh-and-blood person who has experienced struggles similar to mine ... Which at times tempts me back into the obsessive cycle all over again because Im not quite sure Ive tried hard enough. I have not yet reached the point of being able to share my story without shedding tears, but I believe that God is shaping my heart through this process. He is teaching me a lot about showing grace to myself (which is funny, because we chose our sons name because it means God is gracious) and that my son is going to be formed most by the way I demonstrate the love of Christ to him, not by exclusively breastfeeding. I am still committed to breastfeeding. Many are surprised that Im still at it with all of the challenges Ive faced. I have just been faced with the necessity to redefine success from all-or-nothing to both/and. My first goal has been to make it to 6 months, which Ive almost reached. At that point, I may shoot for the year mark.
Posted on: Wed, 05 Mar 2014 14:25:16 +0000
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