Youre the middle-aged, somewhat experienced commander of a three-person kayak. You think you remember your starboard, scoop and stroke. Its a sticky hot & drizzly night. The ocean waters choppier than usual. Clouds so heavy only a few sprinkles of star show through. Not nearly enough to light your way. Your crew is two greenhorns. Its them, you and two paddles. Ones more fish than sailor, bikinied and equipped with nothing but an IPhone. For what, you wonder? But dont ask. Too risky. She knows how to swim and has middle-seat experience in a canoe. The others done one tour in the Boundary Waters, comes equipped with pubescent hormones on board (read: thinks hes the commander, not you). If only you could dilute them with reason. You do try. But, alas. Its too late. Hes halfway to manhood. Just ask him. (Wait, dont. Too risky, again). Youve got to survive this pitch dark sojourn for hours and miles of winding mangrove jungle with them. The airs thick with vines and the smell of rotted vegetation. All around are crustaceans, creepy crawlers of who-knows-what-size, critters, crabs, crocs (no, not the shoes), etc. creatures in trees chirping and cawing. Plus the assorted slitherers and such, slung over low-hanging branches -- none of which you can see. Some, though, you can feel --when they wallop you across the face and head. You try to duck, but theres more--and then before you know it youre hung up on one. Clambering to unwind a coil of something--what? Is it just a root, or....? How will you make it through this nerve rattling trip? Wholl give in first and let the other one steer: you, more likely to guide the vessel safely through? Or, the other commander whose more likely to learn a lesson if youre willing to sit back, prepare to get lost and/or wet and say a few prayers, maybe more? When will the water-girl finally fall in while gliding her hand through the warm water and take you all along with? What would people say if they knew how many times you cursed and/or swore? Speaking of which: what the H were you thinking bringing two untested teen-technoland-lubbers into the wildest, weediest of wilderness waterways? Did you expect them to weather it well on only their wits and with each other, no less? Even if they do, will you? Is there a special kind of parental PTSD possible from something like this? And, after all of this -- how can it be that you all in the end will forget the frights (and fights) and think it was all actually pretty darn fun?!
Posted on: Sat, 29 Mar 2014 03:42:47 +0000