a decision needs to be made, I need very soon to step out on faith. Not afraid for me but of alienating the people I am living with. how and why is such a long story but suffice it to state It was out of loyalty and belief in what the mission.. Now I see It is so convoluted that is seems to border on insanity., maybe. I am strong enough to make it on my own. After you have done all you feel you can do, then what???? Have continually tried not to say anything destructive to sister-friend, but it is getting harder to hold my tongue. she has a very acid tongue, speaks in very condescending manner to any and everyone, is argumentative and must be right. I have gotten stronger over the past few months, I would cry before, because I didnt want to strike out. If I go off, it will be very nasty, All the bent up grief, anger and pain of the past 10 years may well up. that would be unfortunate. i will feel that I have finally been pushed into that corner like a trapped rat. Have tried for the past few years not to let that other person sitting on my shoulder to come out, and if she does, all bets are off. If I have to go there I will no longer consider her my friend. Came here to help them w/ their business and to get away from the grief in NYC, but you know grief follows you. I am much better now, and the grief does not rule my life, we have come to a place were we can co-exist, the grief and me. the worst part of this whole situation is that I do not want to lose the friendship of this sister/friends family. Time will tell. Um jes sayin.
Posted on: Sun, 12 Oct 2014 03:03:34 +0000
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