are people for me An attribute that God has been teaching and cultivating within me these past several months and even more so in Mission Year, is vulnerability. As some of us would agree, too often we live in shame and fear, afraid of allowing others or even the Lord into our mess. As Adam and Eve hid from God in the Garden, we also hide which ultimately leads us to a place of isolation and despair. We were designed to be in community. God created us to be in righteous relationship with one another and with Him. I love the Message Bible’s translation of Galatians 6:2 where it reads, “Stoop down and reach out to those who are oppressed. Share their burdens, and so complete Christ’s law.” Stoop down and reach out. I’ve decided to embrace this lifestyle of vulnerability and transparency and invite you into a personal struggle I have and the work that God is actively doing within me to learn how to receive His love and provision. I struggle with asking people for help. I haven’t fully processed through the issue but I have been entertaining several ideas as to where the issue is rooted. For one, I don’t want to be a burden to people. Growing up, mom struggled to raise us by herself. Even at a young age, I was pretty self-aware of my circumstances and I believe that because of that awareness, I operated under this notion that I had to do things alone because no one was going to help me anyway. One specific instance I remember occurring a lot during my childhood was going to the basketball courts and watching other father’s coach their sons. I remember watching them from a distance, observing the techniques that were being taught. Then when they left, I would practice them on my own. The blessing in disguise is that I developed a gift of adaptability and I can pick things up quickly. But, I’m beginning to see how destructive this experience has been in my life and how much easier life would have been if I had known and accepted, at an early age that people were for me. Stemming from this issue of asking people for help is fundraising for Mission Year. When I first considered doing Mission Year, the fundraising goal of $12,000 was and still is intimidating. That’s a lot of money. Often times, I would confide in family and friends and just share the anxiety that plagued me. I honestly didn’t – and I still don’t – know how I was doing to do this but I was reaffirmed to trust in God and that if He had called me to Philadelphia, then He would provide a way. My entire life I had grown up influenced and shaped by the “American Dream”. I knew what it was like to grow up poor, to not have food or worry about paying rent/getting evicted and because of that experience, I had bought into this ideal of “pulling myself up from my bootstraps”. I worked hard in school, got good grades, and was very involved in sports and extracurricular activities. The goal was to get into a good college, get a degree, find a job with nice salary, find a wife, have a family, and live happily ever after in my house with a white picket fence. But then I had a life altering interaction with the living God and it turned my whole world upside down. Suddenly, I started asking different questions, wondering about what it meant to truly follow Jesus. This path led me to college, where I am studying to become a pastor. However, when I decided to make the transition away from the American dream, I didn’t feel the support from family and friends. I really wrestled with that and still continue to wrestle with it today. I felt like what I was committing my life too was in some ways less compared to others.
Posted on: Fri, 19 Dec 2014 08:20:48 +0000