being a child of abuse follows you throughout your entire life, im a thirty year old woman who cant get her yearly without her husband in the room holding her hand and a nurse and a dr talking to me in soothing tones and i still tense up and clamp down every time im "invaded". pregnancy is incredibly hard for me toward the end with the weekly cervical exams and i often go into a depressive sleep for hours immediately once im back in my own home. aside from the physical side effects mentally im not there sometimes either, there is never a time when i dont second guess letting my son play outside by himself, or go to a friends house. i dont trust many ppl he never went to sitter until 5 and even then i was the constant caller and even now we rarely ever use a sitter its easier to either take him with me or cancel whatever is planned as a result noah is my bubble child that im just now learning to let go of. and as much as i would love to have a daughter someday i really dont think id have the mindset to care for her correctly, id prolly smother her and coddle her until she was rotten or worse hated the very sight of me for not letting her live outside of my mommy bubble. its important as parent to watch for the warning signs that something is wrong with your child. for all intents and purposes no one knew anything was happening with me, oh in hindsight all could see the noticeable behavior shift in me from 12 -16. great grades went mediocre to horrible, social skills went near dull and i spent alot of time in my room or sleeping when most girls were wanting to date and go to the mall etc very few asked what was happening and the ones that did blew me off as a liar. but here we are, me with the nightmare and tightly clutched children finally able to breathe and speak. i dont blame the ppl who didnt help me i just wish more parents were a little more vigilant and had open dialogues with their children.
Posted on: Wed, 03 Jul 2013 06:46:40 +0000
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