by Martin Deeley How do you help a dog cope with the loss of a pack member, for example when one dog in a multi-dog household dies? Martin Deeley explores the topic. Do dogs have emotions? Do they grieve at the loss of another dog or a family member? In my experience, yes they do. Dogs pick up on the emotions of others and have feelings of their own, but the intensity of those emotions depend on many aspects. It depends on the dog’s family, his lifestyle, the relationship with the deceased, the relationship with the human members of the family, and the attitude and emotions of family members dealing with the death of their beloved dog. One can define the word “emotion” as “a mental state that arises spontaneously rather than through conscious effort and is often accompanied by physiological changes; a feeling: the emotions of joy, sorrow, reverence, hate, and love.’ In the case of a death, the emotion can be distress, sorrow, grief and related feelings that we may describe as emptiness.” A dog that has lost a companion may show signs of emotional distress with a lack of appetite, aloof behavior, or even be demanding of attention and affection. We have to remember that when a living animal relates to another for a long period of time, they do develop relationships; they do create habits, routines, boundaries and even rules around each other. When suddenly one of the ‘partners’ is no longer there, the dynamic changes. Good, safe, habits and routines create confidence, trust, certainty and familiarity with the world. Now with the death of a companion, it is like having to overcome an addiction of sorts, an ingrained habit that they find difficulty in losing. With some dogs, it can be extreme because they may have built a strong bond with the deceased partner. They have followed them, been guided by them, exercised with and been entertained by them. The world has revolved around the partner. Even dogs that are leaders can find themselves left with a feeling of loneliness, with no one to lead and no one to share with – they have lost the feeling of being wanted and part of a pack. It may sound anthropomorphic, but I am certain this is one of the main reasons for dogs showing grief. Confidence and a feeling of belonging to a pack disappear with the loss of the other dog. In some instances this may even result in separation anxiety when the dog is left alone, now with no companion. There have even been instances of dogs not being able to separate themselves from their deceased companion, sitting next to the grave for days. Remember the story of Greyfriars Bobby, so devoted to his master John Gray, even in death, that this faithful dog kept constant watch and guard over the grave for fourteen years until his own death in 1872. Dogs cannot speak to let us know what they are thinking, so we have to read their body language, behavior and general demeanor to know how they are feeling. Of course, we can misread what they are thinking and feeling, and sometimes they can simply be reflecting our own feelings and emotions. Therefore, you may think their emotions stem from the loss of companion when really they are reacting to our exhibited emotions. In 1996, the ASPCA conducted a study, which found that 36 percent of dogs ate less after the death of a canine companion, 11 percent stopped eating completely, and 63 percent vocalized more or became quiet. Many slept in different places from where they had slept before and over a half of the surviving dogs became more affectionate, even to the extent of being clingy with their owners. They had lost their confidence, their security blanket, and their way of life and, without clear help and direction, were mentally lost. So what can we do to minimize and overcome the grieving? It may not always be possible, but try to think ahead when you know that one of your dog’s companions may pass on. We should always be the pack leader, but even more so now. Engage your dog in activities she enjoys--walks, retrieving, swimming, games--and do these by yourselves. Do not feel guilty about leaving the companion behind; he will most likely enjoy the break, the rest, and the relaxation away from being the leader. Over the years I have had as many as thirteen dogs, and have been able to watch their behavior at the loss of a companion. Today my wife and I are down four dogs and two cats, all of which get along well with one another. Even though our dogs are friends--run together, play together and sleep together--when one crosses over to doggy heaven, the others do not show excessive emotions. However, when my ol’ Becky passed over the Rainbow, there was no doubt that her son and the younger dogs searched for her. They were waiting to see her holding court around the paddock. She was the matriarch, the lead dog, but not the leader. I maintain the leadership in my home, and that is the reason I believe I have few behavioral problems when one of the ‘team’ passes away. I initiate the playtime with my dogs and spend time with them. My dogs are rarely alone, and always have me as a companion. Now, not everyone maintains this type of lifestyle, has the time nor even wishes to have it. But it does make a big difference when a companion dog dies and we have to take leadership and guide the remaining dogs into activities to take their mind off of the situation. If we have shown leadership before the death, the transition to being an only dog becomes much easier. And while we will also be grieving, we cannot outwardly show it or it can reflect back on our remaining dog. We have to live for our living dog, and she needs help to see her through these times. In helping her, we do actually help ourselves. A calm, confident and kind hand while still maintaining boundaries and limitations with clear communication is essential. The reason? Some dogs will see our affection and our kindness as a sign of weakness in the pack and will feel they have to take over. It may not be obvious to you when doing it, but beware of rewarding bad behavior because you feel depressed yourself and sorry for your dog. Allowing your dog at this time to take advantage of you and behave badly will become the new habit unless you show the correct way to behave. Our job as a leader never stops. In fact this is what helps a dog through these times. They look for assurance, they look for confidence, they look for leadership to be able to deal with the unknown and they look initially to us to provide it. Your dog should not feel alone--she has you. And while the thought may cross your mind, I suggest you do not rush out to replace your deceased dog. Wait a while; give your remaining dog a chance to become familiar with the situation. Do not fall into the trap of thinking that because she--and you--miss her old buddy a new one will be a perfect replacement. Some dogs not only become accustomed to being an only dog, but actually prefer it. So take the time and think it through. The loss of a dog is difficult for both you and your remaining dog or dogs, but you can be a support for one another, helping each other through these times and bringing you even closer. Read more: cesarsway/cesarstips/problembehaviors/Dealing-with-Grief?utm_source=CMI_FB&utm_medium=Post&utm_campaign=8.13#ixzz2cCvyH0F1
Posted on: Sat, 17 Aug 2013 07:04:51 +0000
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