desperation...can´t eat, can´t sleep...i am terrified to read or hear anything else from him. everything i ever did for him was shit in his eyes - my life, my surroundings, the city i live in, my mother and friends and me - i think he wanted me to be something i never was. and yet he loves me for some reason (still does even though i think it turns to hate to be an excuse for himself) - he told me every single day how much he loves me and how much he needed me without the rest of me. he didn´t care about anything in my life, just complained about everything and talked about his things over and over and over. i stopped talking and telling him things - he did not listen anyway, he didn´t want to see the things that made me happy: dancing, theater, christmas, my choosen costum character. he always wanted me to take him to costume events and was upset that i told him that i will not make his outfit but he should make one himself and i help him in every way i can....not good enough for him. i prepared the nicest feasts and spent lots of time thinking what i could do for us to create a family life for him and me....not good enough. he didn´t waste a single thought about it. but he went on on his own - living alone, not the slightest efford to find a home for both of us no sign of anything. but he expected me to serve him his dreams on a golden platter. but everything i touched turned to ashes under his eyes. he complained with other people about me and the things he wanted so badly but i didn´t. i never stopped trying, loving and just needed somtimes some time for myself. that i did for 7 years. was that too much? i would never have let him down. now he found someone who he says does everything for him....everything i never did. i am pure evil and a sick stalker. i feel like a crushed flower ... am i really that sick? am i evil? have i really done him wrong so badly? i don´t know....maybe he is right and i just don´t deserve better.
Posted on: Fri, 01 Nov 2013 05:25:59 +0000
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