i just want to let all my family blood or not friends family blood or not that I truly from the very bottom of my heart love you all so very much. Life is way to short and I would love nothing more then for us all to be family live as family lets all stop all this bull crap and lets start to be there for one another. My whole entire life since I was a small child all I ever wanted was a close loving family who truly loves each other. That truly wants nothing but the best for you in life nothing less. I can truly say I have so much hurt and anger built up inside of me and I dont want to keep carrying this load around. My heart had be crushed so deeply when I was younger that I really dont have a clue of how to let it go. I swear I dont want to keep living my life half way and what I mean is with all this hurt anger and pain. I cant even talk about most of my life cause I get huge ass frogs in my throat and believe me ive tried everything that I know of how to let go I have truly tried and I dont know. I honestly cant even go to the grave yard cause I feel like my world falls and all that hurt and anger all comes back and opens right back up. I know my mom didnt want to die this I know but I have so many questions and I have no idea how ill ever get them answered. My aunt Doris has told me a lot but I cant stand to talk to her about it cause I know by the look in her face its hard for her as well and I feel awful cause before its even started we are both crying.. I learned a lot from my aunt Carol as well but the samething happens and for those who knew my aunt Carol shes not someone who cries easily and I always felt as if I was opening up more pain for them so its hard to get answers to questions that you only had two ppl to ask once my Aunt Carol AND Aunt Evelyn passed I have no one now but Doris. Lisa was to young herself she hung with us really so its not much she is able to answer.. I know losing my mother put deep holes in this family and when I say deep I mean deep. To watch my granddad and grandmom and my moms sisters and brothers walk around looking as if they was living in a nightmare was hard its still the hardest thing i ve ever dealt with and still dont know how to go about a lot of the things id love to be able to let go.. I will say my mother yes she had problems but I know she really loved us and did whatever she could for us. I cant remember ever going without but I so remember many nights listening to my mom cry and those nights stick in my head aND I cant get rid of them. when she found out she was dying OMG at night her crying just hearing her so scared and knowing there was nothing anyone could do I know how scared she was and I know she felt lost empty lonely gosh ive gotta stop I cant do this I have my computer covered in tears but we all truly need to be a family at least try I mean we all use to get together and have lil parties and everyone would pitch in and it wasnt nothing but good that came from that.. ive been thinking of my mother and my family and I cant stop. I just want you all to know that I love each of you I may not come around much but I do love yall and im still family and just cause im not there all the time cause im dealing with a lot of my own monsters im not dead im alive and im still apart of this family. I just want to let you ALL know I LOVE YOU ALL VERY MUCH
Posted on: Thu, 25 Sep 2014 16:10:29 +0000
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