i made this video just 19 months ago. i remember when i made it, listening to the song, i kept thinking when i heard the words i will never change that those words truly seemed to embody the spirit of our team. today, i heard this song roll over on my mp3 player and decided to re-watch my creation. re-watching it, realizing the words i will never change just seems to mock reality. so much has changed. everything has changed. and i wonder how everything unraveled so quickly. where everyone went and when didnt i realize they were gone? avoiding most of this season because of the pain of change and of our Captain leaving, i find myself again lost. i knew we were facing the red sox yesterday, and i got many messages on my phone regarding Jeter and i found myself unwilling to watch what would be another painful game once again. that unbearable pain ive tried to avoid all season... thing is, it wasnt until i was on the phone with a friend last night that i was stopped dead in my tracks. he mentioned the playoffs starting wednesday. i replied, wait. so how many more games do we have? he replied with a chuckle and a deep breath. and then it hit me. the season was over. it truly was over. the season ended and i wasnt there. those precious moments of seeing my Captain were over. it was over. all of it. and i didnt even know. because i was too afraid of the pain of watching it end. but now i have to say, there is no way to avoid this kind of pain. with streaming tears i find myself lost today. realizing what i sought to avoid was something that could never be avoided after all... the pain of change. the pain of loss. the pain of love... im so sorry i havent been here most of the season. i havent posted updates on games and havent kept a focus on our boys. i have truly struggled with the overall pain of losing not just our Captain, but losing someone who has defined Yankees baseball for nearly half my life. seeing Pettitte and Mo leave was the beginning, but, for me, losing Jeter was more than i could endure with any measure of effort. something inside me has just become isolated over this emotional struggle. and im sorry if its gonna take a while for me to adjust... ...because it will. im posting this because i was made to remember what it was like...those simpler days...happier days...the last times i can recall when the pain of losing lifelong friends wasnt looming over an entire season...and i could simply be in love with our boys, and with the Game, itself. i cannot believe those days were only 19 months ago...
Posted on: Mon, 29 Sep 2014 20:07:42 +0000
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