i was thinking alot about my brother this morning... i told him at midnight last nite i was gonna sneak up on him and scream happy birthday... around 12:30 i snuck up on him, whistled a couple times, and when he took out his headphones i screamed happy birthday at the top of my lungs in the massive echoing room. he jumped and then got his grumpy face on for a second, then smiled when i couldnt stop laughing. if you look at our newborn portraits, Heidi and I have these angelic Gerber baby expressions, and Joes looks like eff you put me back in. Grumpy Joe is not nearly his natural state, but its always been there since he was little. Anytime he got pissed off hed go and find a curb and plop himself down and glare at all of creation. Such a natural thunderous grumpy face. That was only a small thing, hes always been a fun little guy.. I remember my memories of the night he was born and sitting in the hospital with Mrs. Bauder waiting, I remember how he never especially learned how to crawl, rather dragging himself around the house like a strange baby slug (never seen another baby do that). i remember when he had tubes put in his ears and when he drove his trike off a cliff and had to get stitches. I remember how passionately he loved Sem Street, Barney and Friends, and later Power Rangers. How much he loved panpakes. Id sit up with him at bed time and hed want me to tell him stories that I made up, mostly about adventures that he had when he was a baby that didnt really happen. Joey would give you the impression when he was young that his favorite thing about life was being born into a world where something as funny as farting and pooping was a thing. Our father was a bit indifferent neutral to Joe it seems, which on the scale of his fatherly affections was not as bad as it could be, Joes hero was Sam. Our mothers special friend, a jolly ginger bearded sweet guy, who would visit the house while dad was at work. Joe loved Sam, loved to take his beeper and his hat and march around saying he was Sam. Sam was his hero flat out. He loved to sing.. especially his favorite country music, The Thunder Rolls and God Bless the USA, and Baby Likes to Rock It Like a Boogie Woogie Choo Choo Train. Hed jump up on the coffee table with his tape player microphone or a hairbrush and dance and sing up a storm. Joe was born I think at the begining of the end of our family unit.. we spent alot of time, playing an endless game whose rules were tweaked a little every day. Blowing stuff up, climbing on roofs, playing wilder-beast, catching slugs and frogs, rolled up sock fights, the game called batman and robin where we sat in moms car and honked at pedestrians. i realized, when we were in reno... joe and i have had our scuffles, weve had a couple bloody fist fights, our arguments, but when im with him and were hanging out and laughing at life the way only we can do, he gives me a feeling thats pretty much the opposite of how a panic attack feels. I try to look after him, except for the times i was a selfish jerk... more and more as we get older hes the one giving me that extra push. i dont know if i could have made it to england last year if it werent for joe, making sure i didnt starve, covering for me, helping me keep my job. since ive been in portland, its been him, no one else, keeping me going. helped me find work, makes sure i eat, bought me bus passes to just keep keeping on. joe likes his audiobooks same as me, and he likes to listen to his favorites especially... i cant even wager to guess how many times hes been through the lord of the rings. weve named our different haunts around the pacific northwest after lotr locales... beaverton is hobbiton, squaw the misty mountains etc etc. a kind of silliness and common ground i dont have anywhere else. whether we are feasting, whether we are smoking, hes my brother, i love him, and the amount of times hes supported my weight when i was too weak to walk, i couldnt be more blessed. hes been my Sam, all along, through thick and thin, good and bad. after so many humans coming and going thru life, id be lost with out you little brother, happy birthday.
Posted on: Fri, 21 Nov 2014 04:30:20 +0000
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