ift.tt/eA8V8J Let me start by saying that I love my mother dearly. She and I have had a very “different” relationship while I was growing up, we’ve always been more like sisters than mother/daughter. And I’ve always appreciated that. But since she found out I’m getting married, she’s completely changed. So, we had our civil ceremony last weekend, and we are legally married. It was small and intimate and beautiful. However, since our whole families are back on the east coast, we are having a formal ceremony there next month. We are nearly done planning now, which is nice, because planning from 3100 miles away has been insanely stressful. That being said, at first, she was super excited—“I’m going to be a mother in law!” “My girl is getting married!” “Let me know how I can help!” For which I was very grateful. BUT. I know my mother and I don’t necessarily trust her taste. She tries, god knows she tries, but she has a way of being able to turn a semi formal event into a dollar store yard sale. Forgive me, but it’s true. So, in an effort to put it nicely, I said, “Ma, please, one request. I’m stressed out enough planning this from here, so all I ask is, NO SURPRISES. I appreciate that you want to help, but please don’t pick anything out without talking to me.” Simple, right? Wrong. Next thing I know she’s texting me that she “has a great idea for centerpieces she can make”, and when I asked what the plan was, all she said was “It’s a surprise. Nothing major, don’t worry.” Me: ಠ_ಠ Mom, I asked you, no surprises. Mom: It’s not a big deal! Just a little surprise. Me: ಠ_ಠ Ma. Mom: LOL stop worrying! Me: ಠ_ಠ So finally I was able to weasel the answer out of her, after I said my MIL wants to know what we’re doing for decorations. Did it…. Did it have to be that difficult? I know, I know. A friend of mine immediately jumped to the conclusion that I’m not grateful for Mom’s help, which is crazy far from the truth. What bothers me is the blatant disregard for my feelings. I have literally never asked one thing of my mother, so for her to hear me say “Just run things by me because Im very stressed out” and make a big joking show out of ignoring that one request…. Just immediately got under my skin. Fast forward to the day I log in to Facebook and see that she and her boyfriend eloped, and everyone is oohing and ahhing over their rings, which are enormous. My folks are not well off, in fact, they are the opposite end of the spectrum, and just got out of living in a temporary one room motel with my two teenage sisters and their four pets. As my husband said, “Well, the girls won’t eat for a couple weeks, but at least your parents have their flashy rings”. Never mind the fact that my mother has left her boyfriend more times than I can remember, once leaving him living in a van with all the animals while she went to another state and started seeing someone else and I watched over my step dad. Sounds like love, right? Anyway, I asked her what kicked them into gear on getting married and she responded with, “Well, we were talking about you getting married and we wanted some of the spotlight too!” Uh, okay… Nobody in my family was happy about it, and I was bombarded with phone calls about whether or not I knew and why I didn’t try to stop it. Because I didn’t have enough going on in my life, clearly. Now today, she sends me a picture of my 18 year old sister in the store trying on a white and red dress that is patterned with skulls. Big ones. “This is the one she wants to wear to your wedding.” (Also, red and white are my wedding colors….) Then another picture, this time the dress is black and emblazoned with even larger skulls. “Never mind, she likes this one better.” Okay, first of all. What parent in their right mind says, “Sure, you can totally wear that skull printed dress to your sister’s only wedding”? So when I said, “I don’t really think that’s appropriate….” She and my sister dove into how it’s not a big deal, you can’t even tell they’re skulls (you can), my sister lost some weight and feels really good about herself in this dress and now I’ve made her feel bad and she’s crying, so they’re just going to go shopping again. I tried to explain to my mother that I don’t care if she wears a dress from Hot Topic if she wants, but does it have to be skull printed? It just doesn’t strike me as appropriate wedding attire. But no, we’re still laying the guilt on thick. “I don’t want you to be upset with her, so we’ll have to go shopping again and spend the extra money.” OMG woman you’re going to give me a heart attack. Just for once, be a mother in the first place, and say “Sorry honey, but you’ll have to find a different dress for the wedding.” Final straw? She mentions that she “doesn’t want any drama” between me and my sister because “there will already be plenty with your aunt”. My mother and her sister do not get along. My aunt has some serious issues and isn’t even my favorite person, but she’s my aunt, so she’s invited. I made it clear to both of them that they don’t even have to pretend; matter of fact they don’t have to speak at all, but I don’t want any arguing. My husband said the same thing, and even went so far as to tell them if one of them doesn’t think she can handle that, that person can opt out of the reception, no hard feelings. My mother swore she had no problem, would not cause any trouble, and now she’s essentially informing me that there is going to be a problem after all. Maybe I’m just stressing out and being Bridezilla, but I can’t help but feel that my mother of all people should be trying to lessen the stress on me, not add to it. I don’t know what’s happening with her, where the switch flipped…. I’m just…. I’m frazzled, overtired, and quite frankly, hurt by her behavior and attitude. Maybe I’m just being oversensitive and selfish. Anyway, thanks for listening. I had to get this out somehow.
Posted on: Wed, 17 Sep 2014 21:39:52 +0000
Trending Topics
Recently Viewed Topics
© 2015