in the spirit of all my friends who have shared pieces of themselves, heres 11 random musings...I like the number 11, its simple and safe and strong and feels good...anyway... 1. My entire life, from the time I was a little girl I always related better to animals than people. I didnt like most cartoons when I was a kid because I thought they were so predictable. I always root for the underdog, always. Theres nothing I love more than a good cinderella story. 2. I have overcome struggles that have killed lots of people. I dont know If I was chosen or special, I just know I became willing and that has changed everything. 3. The thought of anyone dying alone makes me incredibly sad. 4. My biggest constant struggle has been the idea that I am never enough. 5. I have not seen my dad since I was probably 4. My mother has not really been in my life since age 11. My grandmother meant the world to me. She died a year and 9 months ago. I still miss her every single second of every single day. I was so sad I was not there to hold her hand when she left this world but the morning I spent with her the day she died was the most beautiful thing ever and I replay it a lot so I will never forget it. 6. I like old things, photos, books, dishes. I will likely never read an electronic book, I think it would hurt too much. When my grandmother died, mostly what I wanted was her recipe box bc it had her handwriting in it. I miss real letters with real handwriting and am sad that people rarely give cards anymore. One year for my bday I told my grandmother that she had given me the exact card before and she said she hadnt but I was able to pull out every card she ever gave me and show her! For many years I kept every single card or letter anyone ever gave me, I still have many of them. I love documentaries. I love reading, I used to stay up late into the night on school nights getting lost in books and read the warren report at probably 11 years old. I love learning about people and their lives and their stories. I love old people and magnolia trees and yellow animals and the sound rain and the smell of jasmine. I love to bake cakes for people.I love dresses and strong coffee and soft materials. I cant stand the feel of certain materials against my skin or the bows they always put on bras and underwear and Im terrified of snakes and spiders. And I dont like arrogance or mean people. oh and tofu, I cant stand tofu. 7. I always wished I had a sister. And I have dreamed of getting married and having a baby girl. Its likely that neither will ever happen but in the meantime, lyla madison mcgee age 5 almost 6 has been the little girl of my dreams. I have been in her life since before she was 1 and while I have graduated college, been to 3rd world countries, started a business, ran a tough mudder and on and on, the achievement I am most proud of is that she is just like me and she loves me and looks up to me and I have never messed that up. 8. My only regrets in this life have to do with other people being hurt by my choices or actions. Other than that I know every experience has brought me to this place and made me who I am. 9. At times I have been debilitated my fear, depression and anxiety. I have learned to manage them. People often perceive me with a level of confidence that is not my truth, I have just learned to not be paralyzed by fear. Fear depends on me for its survival and I will not allow it that luxury. 10. Today was a terrible day. Well maybe it wasnt terrible idk, I just label it terrible bc it hurt so much. Anyway, I was sort of an emotional wreck and nearly backed over some old man in the sheetz parking lot, I rolled down my window and he walked over and tears were streaming down my face and I said Im so sorry and he looked at my face and his anger dissolved and he said not to worry that I hadnt even touched him. Yet another reason why I love old people so much. Anyway, Im sure he thought I was crazy. Im sure I probably am. 11. My biggest aspiration is to be a good person and to do good things, to tell the truth, not to hurt others and to walk through the ups and downs of life with dignity and grace. It is to be a good friend and a good steward of the life I have been given and to be a light and choose the light more often than I choose the darkness. It is to fail, or get knocked down or to be hurt or fall flat on my ass and to find the courage to get up again and find the light again and find the gratitude again and open my heart again. It is a treacherous path, but I will not back down.
Posted on: Mon, 18 Nov 2013 02:40:22 +0000
Trending Topics
Recently Viewed Topics
© 2015