its Friday night and I feel the need to rant so here it is for those who requested it... smh My Retirement Plan hinges on having at least one successful kid... Exercise? Oh, I thought you said extra fries... Personality is 40% genetics, 40% upbringing, and 20% the last movie you watched... I wonder if people that live in Hawaii have screensavers of bumper to bumper traffic??? Caterpillars have the ideal life. They eat a lot and then sleep for a while and wake up beautiful... Wait, so Im supposed to wash my clothes AND dry them AAAAND put them away??? Dear Mother Nature, Im sorry for the things I said when I was cold... Whats worse to have stuck in your head; a knife or All About That Bass??? Do you ever dislike someone so much that you hate when people are nice to them??? Ive probably wasted a solid year of my life just staring into the fridge... Dont be sad laundry. Nobody does me either... Were all gonna die. question really is how are you gonna live??? Ever work out and think wow I really needed that? Thats how I feel about the chocolate chip cookie I just ate... Im always in a rush to get home so I can do absolutely nothing... 12 hours into this marathon Netflix stopped asking me if I wanted to continue playing and just quietly asked, You okay?... They say youve got to spend money to make money. Feel like theres some middle step Ive been missing... I want to grow my own food but no one makes pizza seeds... I dont know why Im disappointed when I find out a celebrity crush is married. As if that was our only obstacle to being together... I think everyone has one of those friends that is about as useless as the G in lasagna??? Dont judge my grocery cart! You have no idea the emotions Im trying to eat... I saw this crap coming and i still did nothing about it - the story of my life... Whats it called when you hate everyone but still want people to like you? Im that... Running is the best way to remind yourself how much you love sitting... The year is 2026. The iPhone18 is the size of a dump truck. Everything is automatically sepia toned. Air is pumpkin spice flavored... Without coffee, I’m just a really tall 2 year old... There is a reason I’m single and it’s called my face... I have decided to stop doing things Like a Boss and will now do things Like a Rhinestone Cowboy.... My will has a list of friends not allowed to speak at my funeral... If kindness really kills, you’ll always be completely safe around me... Holy CRAP Karma, how much longer till were all squared up??? They should really be Middle-Age Mutant Business Turtles by now... ijs You know that tingly feeling you get when you have a crush on someone? Thats common sense leaving your body... Never call a woman crazy because she will say, Im not crazy! and then go and do something crazy. Probably with matches... If life is unfair to everyone, doesnt that make life fair??? Not to brag, but Im pretty good in bed. I dont snore or steal covers, and I only pee if something startles me... have a great weekend...
Posted on: Sat, 22 Nov 2014 04:15:14 +0000
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