#notyourordinaryconfession Mag sosorry na po ako kung hindi about sa crushes ang confession na ito, or kung binabasa mo ito dahil you are secretly hoping na may magkakacrush sayo at ipopost ang pangalan mo dito. Haha, arent we all? Anyways, Im sharing this because I know somehow the few wholl continue to read this will somehow learn a thing or two. Pinutol ko na po. masyado palang mahaba. Are you a daddys girl? or a mamas boy? Well, I was neither. I grew up almost by myself, and almost raising both of my siblings. I have always been the good daughter, the one wholl give you the good grades and shiny medals. On the other hand, my older sister was the black sheep and the rebel. She gets to do anything she wants. When we all know that anything thats too much isnt good, she was a disaster waiting to happen, and that accident did happen, she got pregnant at the age of 16. Because of this, the pressure built up on me, for me not to do the same things she did so I wont end up being like her. So, I have a mother, lets talk about her. What can I remember about her? she mostly yells at me. She tells me things beyond not nice. And I hate her. Why? Because when I was a child (about 8 years old) I always see them fighting, my parents. And, before we even knew it, their marriage was bound to fail. What I hated was how my mom blamed my dad for everything that went wrong about their marriage. When in fact, both of them had faults. When they broke up, My mom entertained people. She had lots of boyfriends one after another. I hated more her every time she introduces another guy. I couldnt blame her, idk really know why. But maybe because my father was also womanizing. It seemed to us(me and my siblings) like we were caught in a war when the casualties would be ourselves in the end. There was a time when she left us, it was only me, my ate and my younger sister. She took the youngest with her and stayed wherever her boyfriend was. I hated her even more, How could anyone leave us like this? We were like dogs. Our neighbors were the one who fed us, we went to school with empty pockets, I couldnt even imagine wanting to go back in that situation ever again. My mom went back at us, and at that moment, I no longer see her as a mom. But only a woman who Ive come from, I owe my life to, but never really meant the mom thatll smother you with kisses, love and care. And, there was the moment I concluded I hated her. She went abroad, where she of course, met another guy. We went back here to live here. This is the time when everything started to get a bit better. The guy she met there was okay, I could even afford to call him Dad. he was caring, loving and plus, he spoiled us every time they went home. But most of those times we lived by ourselves, except this time we had the money to do so. (my mom sends me money every month to pay the rent, the bills, food, etc.) We had a yaya who does the chores. And we, experienced what it was like to have nice things, have the money to eat good foods, go to many places. It was a bliss for me to have that kind of freedom. Still, she wasnt there for me at times when I needed her. The first time I had my period, the one who assisted me was my yaya. Which I appreciated. Though, by this time I dont expect shed be there for me, for anything important for me. My hatred continued to grow, until I couldnt hate her anymore. I just lost the respect for her. Something happened there, she cheated on her boyfriend and exchanged him for someone else. I hated her because the other one was nice, and this one isnt. She caused so much pain upon herself. We didnt even know about it until one time she went home, but the one with her wasnt the person I was expecting it to be. So we accepted, as we always did.They stayed here for good. This guy wasnt just intolerable, he was torture in a body. To my mom, to us. He was Karma, not the good one. He stole, he made her cry, he mentally abused her. He left her, but she always chased after him. Because she felt like he was the only source of love shed ever get. We were very, very, very distant from her at his point. Let me just say that how we were before, its the opposite now. We transferred to a smaller house, were always on a tight budget, and we cant do the things we used to. Well, because the one who gave us the leisure is now gone. And I hated how she took him away from us. And I hated this guy whos with her; he had no job, hes a burden. I hated how he hurts her. But I hate her, too. I hated everything. I rebelled. But not the way you might probably be thinking, I joined every club I could, I worked really hard on my studies. I got better grades. I succeeded on my own. I didnt feel the need to need her. I am independent as long as I can remember. And I thought, Im good enough on my own. Why bother right? You might be shocked because I am actually an active yfc member. And a good christian doesnt hold this much grudge in my heart. My mother told me many times youre an ingrate, you never appreciate me. you are a hypocrite, you dont even treat me well, Im your mother! I demand respect! I regret my choices. And you dont. how heartless can you be? You may succeed in your studies, but I swear you will never succeed in life. My treatment for her is just like how I treated anybody else, no more, no less. I dont even bother telling her how my day went. Because I dont feel the need to. She stayed at home, sulked, and she cried, and cried, and cried. I felt no remorse. My heart no longer felt anything, no anger, no hatred, no respect, no nothing. She was now here. every day. But now I dont want her here. not anymore. I thought it was too late for her to win us back. Then for a few succeeding days, weeks, months, she talked to us. in all the ways she could; teary, angry, crazy, you name it. But we were blind and we were deaf. She called me everyday, I was annoyed by her. She always asked me things, I never listened, I never answered. She wrote me a letter. She put it in my bag, I never noticed it until few days later. because my bag is full of stuff. It said: (To be continued...) #AlamatNiJulie Medical Laboratory Science Female
Posted on: Mon, 15 Dec 2014 10:17:34 +0000