(revised yet again) CONCLUSION: So is success from my ‘I am that I am’ a lonely place to be? Maybe as perceived in the visible world; because my ‘I am’ is the only person who can love myself unconditionally in a world of external egos whose love is conditional. The only true or unconditional love from the (visible) external world is love from other souls. That love exists; but in world where most often there is a mixture of the soul and ego; there is most often only qualified and conditional love; conditional upon the egos of others. So the only place I can find unconditional love, the love I am seeking and need, is from God, and through God, from myself, my soul. So if I fear being called a person with a huge ego for my success; in other words being called a narcissist, or clinically possessed by ego, as a hi-jacking metaphor for self-hatred rather than self-love, the only thing I can say is it’s true if the self-love is generated from ego, not soul. But if it is based from soul, even if it is soul buried under a mountain of ego, it’s still a self-love from God. If ego is removed, self-love is more functional and is felt fully, without the fear of ego. EXPLORATION: So what has been bothering me this week? Land development as a reflection of my ego past. What is the ego past element? Success and my ego past going all the way back to my high school days when I was at a peak of popular success poised in ability for great future success; all driven by my ego to be better and the best. Success as ghost of ego past because it was seemingly driven by ego and not soul. So my soul in the present has lead me to the same place my ego+soul has, and it frightens me. So in the present are ego and soul indeed separate? No, because memories of the past have again been attached to the manifestation of success of present in the form of a combination of soul and ego. So again the manifestation of soul, success, got high-jacked by the ego. So why is ego from the past so strong emotionally to the point it cannot be objectively detected? Because past ego was developed by antagonistic actions from the jealous egos of others at a time and reference point where I was strongly looking for and expected unconditional love from others; high school. Communication and demonstration of success of my ‘I am’, instead of generating love from others, which I expected to happen because it was the objective antithesis of hate I found from my family, became rather the focal point of the jealous egos of others, creating another layer of my ego. So that’s acknowledged. But the manifestation of the ‘I am that I am’ from my past and the ‘I am that I am’ in the present are identical. So the same thing, antagonism, or the fearful perception of antagonism from acquaintances that has occurred whenever I’ve been successful, and when was looking for unconditional love because my success came from my soul, but instead got blindsiding ego-based hate; a cruel set-up that hurt me deeply because I was looking for the unconditional love I never got from my mother. That’s the deep core. Therefore I fear success because of what it brought me. So is success from my ‘I am that I am’ a lonely place to be? Maybe as perceived in the visible world; because my ‘I am’ is the only person who can love myself unconditionally in a world of external egos whose love is conditional. The only true or unconditional love from the (visible) external world is love from other souls. That love exists; but in world where most often there is a mixture of the soul and ego; there is most often only qualified and conditional love; conditional upon the egos of others. So the only place I can find unconditional love, the love I am seeking and need, is from God, and through God, from myself, my soul. So if I fear being called a person with a huge ego for my success; in other words being called a narcissist, or clinically possessed by ego, as a hi-jacking metaphor for self-hatred rather than self-love, the only thing I can say is it’s true if the self-love is generated from ego, not soul. But if Self-Love is based from soul, even if it is soul buried under a mountain of ego, it’s still a self-love from God. If ego is removed, self-love is more functional and is felt fully, without the fear of ego.
Posted on: Mon, 03 Nov 2014 18:33:00 +0000
Trending Topics
Recently Viewed Topics
© 2015