right.. so here i am with, 3 children and a husband surely after that life would start to get easier...or would it?? i didnt cope too well after my youngest was born to other people it all looked fine but it was far from ok.. the eldest 2 had already witnessed my drinking at this point i wasnt bothered about them seeing me drunk... id smile and suggest pub lunches just so i had the excuse to drink and leave the baby at home with his dad.. i didnt know how to bond with my youngest his birth had been so horrific i had no idea how to cope so i just drank and drank... my husband never said anything about it he just watched unless i became too out of control then he would ring my mum and ask her what to do which usually meant can you come over.. i was getting paralytically drunk during the day and sitting on the friends reunited chat room all day.. the people on there were my life it was better in my virtual life than my real one!! id go and collect the kids from school drunk after one of my pub lunches and say to there teachers i was going to add them on facebook and a load of other crap.. they would walk in with a friend from school and bold as brass there would be there mum drunk as usual with my husband cooking the meals and everything else. life just seemed to get harder and harder.. my marraige was going down the toilet at maximum speed the kids were noticing the continuous arguments.. although it was never about my drinking it was me being on the chat room chatting too friends.. (may i add i dont go on chat rooms now but made some lasting friends when i was on there even though i was drunk). i was just so lonely i didnt want to be someones wife and someones mum all the time i didnt know who i was as an individual anymore, dont get me wrong i loved my children too pieces and would never change having them.. but id moulded myself to an extent of what i my husband wanted the little stay at home wife, the one that never went out and was stuck by his side like glue by 2009 something had to give my drinking was out of control and so was my life, i got my self an evening job working in a petrol station which i loved.. but even then my husband started turning up with the kids and hanging around.. on one occasion he saw me through the window laughing at what a customer had said and he flew in accusing me of flirting or sleeping with this poor guy i was so embarrassed.. i just couldnt do it. a few months after i started working at the garage my one true love got in contact and we were talking as friends my feelings for him were still there but we spoke as friends , id tell him how i felt and what my marriage was like and hed say that hed come and pick me up and take me away.. then one evening when id finished work i got home and told my husband it was over i told him i didnt love him and couldnt do it anymore... i said that for the sake of the boys we would try and keep things normal for them for christmas and that he could go in the new year.... he slept on a fishing bed in the lounge from oct till he finally left on december 8th 2009........
Posted on: Sat, 26 Oct 2013 18:44:37 +0000
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