shankshaw redankshaw guide to being an art critic: 1) situate yourself directly in front of the art, approximately 5 meters away, stare and rotate your head slightly diagonally in either lateral but upward directions as though to catch something flying in front of the light source. 1a) it may be a good idea to have a drink in hand in case you have nothing to say. 2) using two fingers, place on face as though to rest your face by virtue of the herculean effort it takes to carry your brain. 2a) suggest finger placements include: chin, nape of neck, bridge of nose (really good idea to fix your glasses), cheek. 3) stand closer. now that youve got a general gist of the picture as a whole in the periphery, take two non-standardised steps forward. flare your nostrils briefly and speak quietly like npr or pbs radio. notice that, on closer inspection, there are be brushstrokes if painted. note the quality and direction of stroke application. 3a) you may see other features such as the RGB or the CMYK dots if it is a printed work. think about its significance, if any. 3b) consider using words like juxtaposition and consider when using filler words such as hmm, ahh, etc. consider replacing with lyrics to popular green day songs. 4) introduce yourself to the artist by first and last name if present. exchange email addresses, facebook page ideas and promise to send an birthday e-card. 4a) try to place the artist into a school of thought or art movement. you will definitely earn bonus points for labelling artists. artists love labels in the same way musicians love record labels. 5) propose to buy the art, maybe, millions of dollars. if youre serious about art, youve thought about this. 6) sign a paper to the deed. 7) take out a loan from a credit union. banks are toxic. 8) place the artwork in your home in a very conspicuous way. this may be in a hallway, where guests may see the art. ensure adequate lighting and perhaps invest in lighting installations which exaggerate features of the arts best details. 8a) friends who confirm good taste are definitely good friends. weed out people who say otherwise. 9) never sell art. art loses semiotic value when you sell it. 9a) art is sometimes made to be sold, however. consider that some artists need to eat or be in supply of enough raw juice to survive. buy art direct from artists. art dealers with no affiliation to the artist are like ticket scalpers. 11) suggested further readings: the placard often placed adjacent to the art.
Posted on: Sat, 20 Sep 2014 12:09:43 +0000
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