the week before last I was speaking with a dear friend when I finally got very upset and had a gut wrenching cry about my health which I have never done because I have always played the Brave Colin who doesnt let anything get him down and who inspires people and gives them hope and so how could I possibly feel sorry for myself. This did me no good whatsoever. This last few weeks this last few months have really been learning months learning about myself. First of all I felt grief over my doctor leaving which really threw me for a loop because I was not expecting her to go and I also was very surprised at my strength of feeling at losing her. It felt like a death to me. And it was it was that death of our relationship. I know that she also had special feelings for me because the last time we spoke her eyes watered and she quickly said goodbye and left because of course she could not crying in her surgery can as we were in the main part where all the people awaiting and staff were there also and it would have been very unprofessional even though to me it was just very human and it made me feel that it wasnt just me. and on numerous occasions she said that she found me to be a very fascinating and special person and shed never met anybody like me. She always treated me like a person and she ignored my medical history up until I joined the practice here because she realised that I had been treated extremely badly and that I was not mentally ill as I had been labelled. Unfortunately in this country, I do not know if it is still the same but it certainly isnt a practice I go to, if you are labelled as such and you go to the doctor took to complain of a physical ailment they basically ignore you and say it is stress. The doctor before her and her and my present one all treat me as a whole human being who has a very intelligent mind and they treat me as such. Just to brag a little my IQ is more than high enough to belong to Mensa). The only good it has done me is make me lonely because it is very rare I come across anyone I can have a conversation with, a serious one, about the cosmos or about politics or evolution or anything that one really has to think about. So it leaves me feeling lonely to a certain extent but I am very lucky that I have beautiful wonderful loving friends that more than make up for the lack of being able to have deep and meaningful conversations. My friends who read this please dont feel insulted I love you dearly and Im not saying that you are thick I just regret being as intelligent as I am because it sets me apart. My bedtime reading would something like Stephen Hawkins or Richard Dawkins but also junk thrillers. Ive read all Dan Browns novels. I love excitying stories like that. This is weird. I had no idea I would write this. Dont misunderstand. Id be lost if a physicist started a conversation with me! I might be super intelligent but I am not educated, left formal education at 15, just before 16. Everything else I have taught myself-knitting, designing, yarn dyeing my way, designing my own way of knitting and my patterns and shapes. I prefer to knit socks and sweaters and nothing way out. Just because I dress eccentrically doesnt mean I design or wear eccentric jumpers!
Posted on: Thu, 29 May 2014 15:21:59 +0000
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