this was the anology i used to make it through whatever it was that i went through.. jack was the man who whistled the song below, the one i thought loved me back, but i had to let go. The ship i was on was sinking (my marriage) I wanted to save jack, this man i fell in love with, he was everything that my husband was not in this fantasy relationship i had. It was a wild emotional affair. I couldnt leave with my husband and i wanted to go back down into the sinking ship to prove to him I cared.. i loved him, i couldnt let him die there. In the end the one who i thought needed saving ended up saving me, thats how the story ends … jack died to set rose free. They were never meant to be. That selfless love though is what we all need. She lived on after the boat had sunk so did her husband, their ways parted, but her memory of jack always remained. In the very end of the analogy she lets go of the heart of the ocean and lets it rest where it belongs.. some things are too valuable for anybody else to ever understand.. and thats my insanity if i have it, in a song, explained. In order to get healthy again and not drown with the sinking ship rose had to let go of jack and whistle when people came to rescue her. It wasnt jacks fault the ship sunk, it wasnt the husbands, it wasnt rose! The ship was going to sink no matter what.. thank goodness she had jack there when it did, love set her free from a place she was never meant to be. Thats how it felt. My heart and mind had a hard time working through all these emotions.. all i knew was letting go of jack was the only way to ever live again. And thats what i did. Two years ago i stopped journaling in my phone to who i thought was to him. Somehow deep very deep I shared the gospel of Christ through all of this to whoever was my figurative jack, whether it was him or not him or just my imagination running away with me i may never know. What I do know is my heart will go on and Im thankful for the experience now.. hindsight is 20/20 they say but somehow before all this started i seen it all with perfect clarity. the poetry that came out of me those two years and all the journaling was unbelievable, in moments of intense pleasure and extreme pain the lyrics that come out of you are brilliant more than insane.. i would label what i went through as a gift. whats healthy is letting go of jack and living again. thankful for whatever it was and letting my heart go on. thats my analogy.
Posted on: Sun, 25 Jan 2015 07:58:29 +0000
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