time for an update. Thank you guys so much for all your kind words and love and healing energies. I am ok. I will be ok. Boo made me strong. Stronger than I can imagine and I wont let him down by letting myself turn into a useless pile of depressive goo. That would be an insult to how hard he worked to take care of me, to make me happy and to make sure that I could do what I do that brings me joy. He loved me with all he had and I loved him with my entire soul. I just have to figure out how to go on without him. With the help of my family, I had him cremated and he did not want any services. His whole family hates me now, with the exception of his 2 siblings. They knew there was no chance for him to recover. The rest of the family thinks I killed him by letting him go. It matters not what they say. They attacked me as soon as I got to the hospital, saying our marriage wasnt real because we had a witchcraft wedding. Saying it wasnt legal because we had an open marriage. They are mad that I had my boyfreind with me. Little do they know that without Shouting Mountain, I would not have made it there on my own. They are critisicising and judging me saying I took too long to get there. I was told he was dead that night, then later told his heart was still beating. All those at Lothlorian, they were there for me, they held me and made sure I got through the night. They helped us break camp at first light and pack everything up so we could get out of there as fast as we could. It still took several hours to drive home. And those that were close to Boo, they knew that he loved Shouting Mountain because he knew that I was safe with someone that loved me and takes care of me when he cant be with me. He had much love and respect for him. Unfortunately, a lot of Boos family just can not grasp the concept of an open marriage with total and complete trust and honesty. All the while they judge me, they have had affairs, lied, cheated and hold many many secrets they think we dont know about. But thats another story. That night at the hospital, his whole family left, they just walked out and wouldnt even listen to the Drs. when they tried to explain that his brain was dead, inserting the chest tube would not make brain cells come back to life. They were hoping that it would be like 23 years ago when a car fell on his brother. His brother slept for a week then had to learn to walk again. But Boo had no brain cells left, it was not like what happened to his brother. His family wouldnt even stay still long enough to get proper updates from the Drs. They were too busy going out to eat or smoke or walking around, they were never all in the same place. My family came to my side, my family was there when we removed the tube. My family was there to say goodbye. And when the time came, I got to curl up with him. I got to nuzzle my face into his neck and wrap around him. I got to hear his last breaths, I got to hold my hand on his chest and felt his heart take its last beats, then he was gone. I am utterly crushed but, I am regaining strength each day. Been sleeping on the couch, the blankets on the bed are still in his shape when he flung them off when he got up last thursday morning. I cant move them, cant sleep there, not yet. Have been going through the motions last couple days, morgue, crematory, bank, his work and such. I have so much to figure out, this trailer is in bad shape and we were working on so many things. He ripped out the bathroom cause we finally were going to get that done. He won $750 at the casino a couple weeks ago. He gave me half of it to make sure I got my daughter to California safely and spent the rest on a new tub and surround and vanity. So all I have is a lonely toliet in a ripped up bathroom, but I have so many friends and loved ones that will help me. There is SO much to do to make this place ready for winter, but I am not alone, I have friends and family. I couldnt really post much last few days, but I will post more as the next days go by. I will not cut myself off from the world, I will be ok. All I can do is get through one day at a time. I love all you guys and hold you dear and just wanted to let you know how I am and that I do feel your love too. May Mother bless us all......
Posted on: Wed, 24 Sep 2014 13:55:34 +0000
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