ways to know you are big and huge… 1-When the huge walk into a bar, all the bouncers suddenly look like they got kicked in the nuts and their chests just deflate. Buddies of the huge always try to force them to walk into places first because they get off seeing everyone’s face when they see the huge “freakiness” walk in the door. 2-The huge can’t find a button-down shirt with a neck big enough to fully button without getting choked. In fact, if you can buy clothes at a regular store, you’re not huge. The huge have to buy clothes at one of those big and tall stores. Then, they get pissed off every time because the makers of these clothes think all huge people are also fat. Just because I have a 60-inch chest does not mean I have an 80-inch belly, dammit. 3-A huge person won’t bend over to pick up change. It is way too difficult to get those coins off the ground, and the huge may pass out trying to get them. They will, however, risk bending over to pick up a dollar. This is only because they’re easier to pick up, and almost every fast food joint now has a dollar menu. That dollar will buy more to eat on their next trip to one of those fast food places than the change. Tying shoes is also a very difficult task for the truly huge person. I have solved this by having children tie them for me. They seem to enjoy it (I have no idea why), and they need the practice anyway. 4.The absolute easiest way to tell if you’re truly huge is by taking a trip to your local zoo. Head to the gorilla exhibit. Watch the gorillas as you walk in. There are two reactions you can get from them that will mean that you are truly huge. The first one is that they will become very violent. They will start howling, jumping about, hitting the glass, and throwing things around. This will be because they have seen you and they are excited that a fellow primate has escaped. They think you are coming back to help get them out and then destroy the Statue of Liberty. The second reaction would be if all the gorillas come up to the glass and stare at you with a very confused look. This would be because they are wondering how you got out and why you didn’t bring them with you. Either reaction would let you know you are huge, the only difference is how aggressive those particular gorillas are.
Posted on: Thu, 14 Nov 2013 23:32:43 +0000
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