正式離開TPA，內心深處的話。 About leaving TPA, words from deep in my heart. 接近兩年的台灣電競之旅到這裡正式完結了，從一個只是熱愛著遊戲渴望著勝利的玩家機緣巧合下當上了職業選手。一直以來我打電動的想法就是「要打，就打到最好」。為了堅持自己的理念我一直都很努力去證明自己，但是這條路並不容易，我每天花超過10個小時在練習上，逐漸發現自己手腕出現麻痺的現象，後來問醫生才發現那是腕隧道症候群，我每天還是不由自主的繼續練習。值得慶幸的是在台灣國內的比賽還是進行還算順利，我們拿到了S2資格IPL5資格，我並沒有因此而感到高興，因為如此同時我們被大家戲稱為「東南亞霸主」「國內王」。 My journey of eSports in Taiwan has ended, almost 2 years, from just a normal enthusiastic player that thirst for victory just like everyone else, became a pro gamer with a bit of luck and chance. Do nothing but the best. This is the principle I have always been sticking on to and trying very hard for every game I played to prove myself. But honestly, the road ahead is not easy at all. I had been practicing more than 10 hours a day and started to feel numbness and pain in my wrist. But I still couldn’t help continue practicing even when I was diagnosed with carpal tunnel syndrome. Fortunately, we did pretty well in tournaments in Taiwan, and we got the S2 and IPL5 qualifications. But I am not happy because at the same time people were jokingly referred us as King of South East Asia or King of Taiwan. 接下來長達三個月的集訓，我們每天不間斷的練習，當中跌跌撞撞過無數次，BattleRoyal 的18連敗，跟中韓隊伍練習各種被電，每次輸線的挫敗感都使我很沮喪，這段時間我一直覺得自己比不上其他選手，特別是Zzitai、Ambition這種對線技巧超凡的選手。一個選手在毫無信心的狀況底下根本沒辦法正常發揮更不用說超水準的表現了，比賽必然是越打越糟，但在這個困境底下我最終還是找到一個適合自己的打法。 After we got the qualifications we started our training, we practiced every single day before the S2 world championship. During these 3 months, we faced many problems and stumbled so many times. We lost 18 games in a roll in BattleRoyal, and lost every single game while scrimming with Chinese and Korean teams. I felt frustrated and very depressed every time when I lost the lane, and started to have the feeling that maybe i am not as good as other mid laner, especially players like Zztai and Amibition who has extraordinary laning skills. At this point, I have lost all my confidence, no one can perform properly under this condition, and of course I failed on the coming up games. But finally, I overcame this extremely difficult situation and found my own style to dominate the game. S2大賽將近，經過各地區的預選賽之後總共十二個隊伍來角逐這次的世界總決賽，TPA也很幸運地東南亞區抽到地區種子直接進入S2八強，比賽前亦有各式各樣的網站去估算這次參賽隊伍的實力，雖然我們並不被看好名次只有比SAJ高被排在第十一名，因為大家都不看好我們，這份感覺反而讓我們五個抱著Nothing to lose的心態去放手一博，結果讓全世界都跌破眼鏡，連我自己都不敢相信這個結果，我們嬴得「世界冠軍」這個頭銜。 As the date of S2 world championship getting close, 12 teams from all over the world had advanced from regionals and were going to compete in world finals. TPA was very lucky to be the seed of South East Asia region and got straight into the quarter finals. Many websites had estimated the strength of every team participated, and TPA was only ranked higher than SAJ. 雖然我們隊伍嬴得了世界冠軍，可是隊伍當中一直以來都存在著一些問題，但是為了應付接下來的IPL5，我們暫時沒有餘力去正視這些問題。在要出發參加IPL5前我向公司提出希望可以換到新隊伍打接下來的這一年甚至退休，但IPL5結束後經過內部溝通公司認為將Mistake換至新隊伍才是對現任五位成員最好的解決方法，公司希望我接任隊長繼續打下去，當時我第一個反應就是：「不行，一個台灣隊伍讓我這港仔當隊長肯定會被酸到歪掉」，但是公司認為我是隊伍當中最適合這個職位的選手，所以就接受這個安排繼續留在台灣。 Although we won the S2 World Championship, there had been always some problems in our team. However we didn’t have the time and energy to face the problems because we had to prepare for IPL5 at that time. Before we left for IPL5, I asked Garena if I could switch to the new team (TPS) and stay for another year or even until the day I retire, but after IPL5, we had some discussion and Garena decided to switch Mistake to TPS was a better solution for all five TPA members at that time. Garena asked me to lead the team and keep playing, but my first reaction was that “No way! People will definitely criticize a lot that someone from Hong Kong to be a leader of Taiwanese team.” However, Garena still considered me as the most suitable player to be the team leader. Therefore I accepted this arrangement and continued to stay in Taiwan. 拿下S2冠軍之後很多玩家把Toyz跟世界頂尖AP劃上等號，漸漸變成大家學習與研究的對象，我也把自己的目標設定得越來越高，要求自己每一場比賽練習都要壓制對手，因為那時候開始Toyz對線被壓對大家來說是一件不符常理的事。那次比賽之後，別人應付我們的對策重點開始特別關照中路，在這種情況下我可以給予的線上壓制越來越少，如此同時我也漸漸迷失了，找不回自己的打法，我想盡辦法去改變自己的風格去適應對手的重點照顧，做出不一樣的嘗試，像AP Janna把隊伍核心放在AD上只需要線上拼命洗兵龜塔讓中路不會再被GANK到崩盤。但是回頭想想，這還是原來的Toyz嗎？為什麼把自己的風格轉變得不像自己了？ After winning Season 2 World Championship, a lot of players have considered Toyz as a world top AP, and started to research me and tired to learn from me. Therefore I set my goals really high and asked myself to win the mid line in every single game since people would think it’s unbelievable for Toyz not to win the line. Since then other teams tried to put the pressure on the middle line when playing with TPA. Because of that, it’s difficult for me to win the middle lane and I started to lose my own style of playing my mid AP. I have tried hard to change my playing style to cope with what other teams’ strategy which was focusing on me, and I did things like playing AP Janna to let the team rely on AD and all I had to do is to farm as much as I could and they wouldn’t always gank me and then in the end we would lose the game. However, thinking back, is this still Toyz? Why have I turned the playing style into the way which wasn’t really Toyz’s style? 接下來的比賽包括SWL、NGF、All-Star、GPL都沒有達到大家對我以及對TPA的期望，一次又一次的落敗，筆墨無法形容的難受以及來自輿論的壓力，每次打開PTT，看著大家對我的指責與批評我總是無法入睡，甚至有一段時間是靠著藥物才有辦法睡眠。像是國藉問題我並沒有辦法改變，甚至還會覺得為什麼我不是台灣人？所以我也只能接受這些言論。老隊友一個一個的離去，這些也並不是我們所樂見的，回頭想想，當初支持自己繼續留下來的因素也漸漸的消失了，當初為台灣而戰的信念也漸漸被磨滅了，經過一個多月的思考最終做出離開的決定。我很清楚其實背後還有很多人支持著我，我很感激你們，也許有些人不怎麼喜歡我這個選手，我也感謝你們點出我的問題之處。 After Season 2 World Championship, there were games like SWL, NGF, All-Star, GPL, I didn’t meet the expectations people have for TPA. We lost again and again, and I can’t explain how bad I feel about those critics and the pressure I had. Every time I checked PTT(Taiwanese forum like Reddit) and read about how people blamed and criticized me, I felt so bad that I couldn’t sleep. For a while, I had to rely on sleeping pills so I could get some sleep. Things like my nationality are not something I can do to change it, and I sometimes wondered why I wasn’t Taiwanese. Therefor, I just had to accept those critics. My old teammates left one after one, and this is not what we want to see. Thinking back, those factors made me stay after S2 has gone gradually. The faith that I had to fight for Taiwan somehow vanish and after one month’s long thinking, I made the decision to leave the team. I know very well that a lot of people support me and I really appreciate that. Maybe Some people don’t like me, but I am thankful for that you pointed out what my problems were. 最後感謝Garena一年多前邀請我加入TPA，我當時只是一個嬴了幾個線上比賽的玩家，感謝你們給我這樣的一個機會讓我走進這個大舞台證明自己。這裡有很多對我很好甚至願意提攜我的人，還有一路以來跟我一直奮鬥的隊友，沒有你們也沒有今天的我，衷心感謝你們。 Last, I want to thank Garena for inviting me to join TPA even though at that time I was just a player who won a few online games. Garena gave me an opportunity and the stage to become a progamer to prove myself. At Garena, a lot of people have been nice to me and helped me in every way, and my teammates who I have fought together all the way are great. I know I can’t be who I am now without you guys. Thank you all so much from the bottom of my heart.
Posted on: Sun, 30 Jun 2013 12:43:51 +0000
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