#2036-" I and one of my school time guy friends were very close. He was working in hyderabad and I am working in Infy pune.We both liked each other, at least I thought so. We could discuss and share anything. He would flirt with me. He would ask me casually some times to marry him. I would pretend as if he is just kidding and suppress my feeling as I wasn’t sure whether he really meant it. Time passed by and my family wanted to find a match for me. But before they wanted to proceed, they asked me whether I have any one in my life. I told about this guy, my school friend .My family wanted to contact my friend’s family so asked me for his address and parent’s contact number. I called my friend and told that I have mentioned about him to my parents. He was shocked; he did not expect this thing to come like this. He said “I am sorry. It is not possible. You took it seriously. I have some family commitments and obligations. My elder brother is yet to settle. Also, I want to pursue higher studies outside India for which I need at least 3years of time and I don’t want you to wait for so long. You should have consulted me before telling your parents.” I felt really bad and thought I misunderstood him. I thought his reasons were genuine. So, I informed my parents that there is nothing like that. After two days, my friend called me and said” I thought a lot about this. I got nervous.I like you and I think I have a good compatibility with you and if we enter into a relationship it will sustain. So, I discussed with my mother regarding this .But me and my mother both want at least 3years of time. Can you please call your family and convince them to wait for 3years.” I agreed and said that I would call them the next day. Before calling my mother the next day, I called my friend in the morning, after some general chat as I found him really confused about the decision, I asked him ‘ if you want you can take some time to think’, he said ‘yes I think it’s too early and we should take some time’. For the next two –three days whenever I talked to him, I found him really confused, he was not sure about his decision; he was facing difficulty in choosing his priorities. This made me feel guilty and I thought I am forcing him up to something. So, I asked him to close this chapter and not to think about it anymore. He agreed and said “Yes it is building up a lot of pressure. My mind is always occupied with these tensions. It is fine.” And we both agreed to remain friends only. I asked my family to find a suitable match though I was mentally unprepared to accept anyone. I kept rejecting many good proposals. My parents were worried for me and kept asking me if I was still interested in my friend and I kept refusing it always. I was still in touch with my friend. He used get all the updates of my family’s groom search effort from me or our common friends. He would tease me with all the probable matches. He would always criticize the proposals I was receiving. He would tell me that he does not want to get into marriage business, marriages are like burden. Sometimes he would ask me why you are in hurry for marriage. My mind would always be flooded with multiple thoughts- ‘If he did not have any feelings for me then how I misunderstood and if he had then why he was not strong enough to face it. Was he still in love with his ex-girlfriend? Was I just an option he wanted to pass his time with? Why did I waste my time (in years) thinking of him if nothing had to happen? I always wanted to be someone’s goal, how did I allow myself to be somebody’s option. May be these thoughts are just the outcomes of rejection but in reality he is a good hearted genuine guy …or was I being fooled all these days, Is he really a genuine guy ?’ I was under so much pressure; I had to prepare myself mentally for marriage; I had to forget him. We still used to call each other every day. I wanted to avoid him but could not do so. Around 10 months passed, finally I met a guy my parents had selected .My friend knew that I had to meet a guy that day. I liked that guy and agreed to the proposal. The same night my friend called me and asked me to reject the proposal. He said that ‘He has realized my importance. He cannot live without me and wanted to marry me. But he still wanted 1-2years of time as he wanted his elder brother to settle first. But this time he was really sure.” My parents had given word to the groom’s family. Still then I decided to discuss this with my family and asked them to reject the proposal and told him that my friend is approaching and I want to be with him. They did not approve it; they were not sure about my friend as he had fluctuated before. This time even I was not sure of him, still then I thought of giving him one more chance. I pleaded to my family; both the families had a discussion over phone call but my family was not convinced as my friend’s family wanted to have a secret court marriage now and a formal marriage ceremony after one-two years. My family was very rigid this time. They started comparing my friend and the guy they had selected. They had found a more suitable match in terms of family background and education.My family had questioned his family background. I cried, wept and pleaded. I avoided calls from the guy my family had fixed. This continued for a month or so. But suddenly I realized I was doing a mistake again and I guess this time my family was right. I was getting emotionally weak and wanted to stay with my friend, who has no certainty. He might be feeling that I would get married and there would be no one for him to talk and so he is getting temporary emotional weakness, but this thing might not last long. There was a gap of 10months from the day I confessed my feelings and the day my marriage was fixed, but he never approached. And if he had to wait for 1-2years for his brother and family to settle then it was also my responsibility to retain my family’s reputation, after all breaking up a marriage is not easy for a girl’s family. My family had asked me many times about him before fixing and I had always denied. So I decided to move on. Now my friend has quit his job and is planning to prepare for civil service examination as he wants to make his family more reputed and is blaming me for ruining his life. #InfyPune2009"
Posted on: Sat, 20 Jul 2013 10:32:49 +0000
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