281) “Being A Rock Means Never Having To Say I Am Sorry: Rocks hate guilt. They hate guilt because they feel so guilty. They believe that somewhere in their lives they have totally blown it, and they have not really forgiven themselves for it. This is why they are out to save the world – to make up for their guilt. They feel as if they have made such a big mistake that they need to sacrifice themselves, but because of the inner guilt, whatever sacrifice they make is never enough. Rocks hate apologizing because it feels as if they are admitting how incredibly guilty they feel inside. Swamps are always apologizing and abasing themselves. They do not feel that they have done something wrong, but that something is wrong with them. This is why they could not receive all of the love and attention they felt they needed as a child, and why they feel that they never get enough love now. No matter how much the rock sacrifices or gives to them, it is never quite enough to reassure them. Swamps are also really good at communicating what is not working, so they are good at complaining or criticizing. Rocks hate criticism, however, and will tend to overwork to learn things overmuch just so they will not be criticized. For swamps, however, nothing is ever quite good enough. Rocks are always playing “rock man enough,” trying to prove to the world how they survived in spite of how tough it was, sometimes doing stupid things in testing their limits because they are trying to prove themselves to get over the basic guilt. Their motto is, “No matter how hard it is, I can take it.” Swamps can’t take anything. If they get complaints or criticism, they tend to fold, disappear, run away, or go into even more swamp-like behavior. As we begin to under4stand the differing communication styles, we can see how it is a perfect situation for mutual misunderstanding. In recognizing that we have found our natural partner, we can embrace what we are missing, embrace our partner, and move ourselves, our partner, and our relationship forward. Today, spend time appreciating your partner. They have to act out what you are missing (or not expressing). The swamp’s super-sensitivity makes up for the rock’s lack of sensitivity. To the extent the rock is out of touch, the swamp will complain about everything. Together, you can really balance and move forward. You can bring humor into the situation as you understand each other and the role that each of you has played. Now it is time to move out of these roles and find a communication style that works much better for both of you. Note: Rock and Swamp are terms used by Dr. Spezzano to describe two completely different styles of communication in a relationship. Refer to lesson 276.” - Chuck Spezzano, Ph.D., “If It Hurts It Isn’t Love” p. 300-301
Posted on: Wed, 14 Aug 2013 22:10:22 +0000
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