A PP reader writes, I would love some input on how to help a friend, or hear from others who have been in similar situations on things she could do at this point. She is just about to have her first baby, and while she is married, her husband is very unsupportive. He has gone out of his way at times, it seems, to make her uncomfortable and placed additional demands on her during her pregnancy. When she expresses that it is too much or that she desires some support, or merely feeling loved at this time, he tells her it is her fault she is pregnant in the first place. :( He said she could not spend money on a doula (or a midwife/homebirth as she wanted), all the while buying new video games for himself. He said she could not spend money on a breast pump, while telling her about the new drum set he plans to buy. He has left home for several days/nights to stay at friends houses and play video games with them... returning when he says he misses her and wants her to cook supper (what he wishes to eat, and on time) and run to the store to buy the items he wants to eat. Last night he got angry that she brought home the wrong flavor of something... He has told her that he will kick anyone out of the room during her birth if he doesnt want them there, and said that his mother could be her doula if she wanted someone there. At night it is tough for her to sleep (we are in a very hot location as well weather wise) and he refuses to let her run a fan so she is more comfortable. He watches things on the tv near the bed (that she didnt wish to have in the bedroom) that are violent and not conducive to a good mindset in pregnancy, and tells her if she wants to sleep with a fan, in a cooler location, without the tv on, etc., she can sleep on the couch. What ever will she do when she also has a new baby to nurse/care for through the night?! I feel that with this environment she is very lonely and set up for postpartum depression if some things dont change. But what can I possibly do as a friend other than say she can stay at our place (which will make her husband angry - he is very jealous of her time spent with other people)... What should she do? He will not agree to go to counseling because he feels any of their marriage problems are HER problems. :( My heart is breaking for her because it is this time in a womans life when she should be the MOST supported, uplifted, celebrated, empowered, and loved by everyone around her. Please offer some suggestions if you have any.
Posted on: Wed, 25 Jun 2014 17:15:55 +0000
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