A Thankful Morning - George and I just finished breakfast… and I shared something with him that I want to share with you. So many people see David and I as strong aphasia advocates - but they did not see us or know us in the beginning. Yesterday, I got a message from someone who knew us in passing. (she worked in the dentist office) She saw the struggle. The pain. The anxiety. She saw David as be was unable to communicate. She knew, as many did, that I was advocating for David with the use of an attorney in my hometown for appropriate support for David at school. She happened across the Facebook Page and was glad to see that David had done well - and that we were now helping others. It reminded me why we do what we do- We are motivated and energized by the painful struggle we endured for many years. I was filled with anxiety - for years. My teeth would chatter due to being so nervous and filled with fear - day after day. I cried nearly every day for years. And David would often cry when I would pick him up from school. I had trouble sleeping. I felt our world had collapsed inward and there would be no way out. The school had moved him from the gifted program - to special ed. Some kids called him the one armed bandit because he was paralyzed in one arm. Some kids made fun of the click click click of his AFO leg brace-so he refused to wear it by Junior High - and then one day fell - breaking his arm. He lost nearly all of his friends. They really didnt know how to deal with a friend - who couldnt speak, read, or write. And they were just kids - how could they really have that maturity? Those years nearly destroyed David. Then, 4 years post stroke - he locked himself into a room. He refused to return to public school. He felt he was treated as though he was dumb and lazy - when inside, he was still the same smart David - just dealing with an incredibly devastating disability called aphasia. A famous speech therapist was speaking in Michigan and we went to see her. She told me to remove David from public school - that shoving a round peg in a square hole was not working and never would work. Inclusion to the exclusion of learning was not working - at all. And we were destroying David in the process - and she could see that. But how could I send a 14 year who was partially paralyzed and without the ability to speak a complete sentence fluidly away? She looked at me in the eye and said, You dont have a choice. I thank God she had the courage and fight in her to argue with me while I cried. She held my hands as I cried. I did not want to send him away. It broke my heart….but I did. So, for the next 3 years - David went to a school 10 hours away from home. It was painful for both of us. But, he wanted to go - because he wanted to learn. He wanted to go - because he knew he was still smart. He wanted to go - because he needed, like all teens, to be in a place he was socially accepted and understood. I thank God for Dr. Audrey Holland - the speech therapist that offered that guidance. Im honestly not sure David would even be alive today if we had not changed course - he was indeed being destroyed by the aphasia and the school and the lack of friends. I thank God for Brehm Preparatory School;where they taught him with small classes, taught him assistive technology, and where he had intensive speech therapy every day - and more after school. And every teacher was training in Language Based Learning Disabilities. I thank God for his dorm parents. Lynne Triggs and Darryl Keith Triggs. They were an amazing couple who instilled in David a sense of family and belonging. I thank God for Dr. Collins and Dr. Brown and others at Brehm - who taught David how to advocate for himself. I recall leaving Brehm on the last day and Dr. Collins told David, If you forget everything you learned here one day - never forget this. Advocate for yourself David. Advocate. Now he advocates not only for himself, but for others! I thank God for Sue Wallin. Sue Rogers, and Jan Meier-Nielsen. They were my own 3 shepards in ways I cant even express to this day. It brings tears to my eyes to think of the care and love we got from these three dear friends who were not just there on day one- but there on day 389, and on day 785, and on and on. I thank God for Deb Marlowe, Davids art teacher. And Eric, the student volunteer from St. Johns High School. I thank God for George Richards who did his best to keep us afloat and stable when the waters were so rough. I thank God for my parents - Ruth and Ward Damschroder. They, too, were broken by the losses and grief we shared - but they rose to the challenge and supported David in every way they could. I thank God for my son Michael - who in many ways lost his mom his high school years. I was consumed with therapy appointments and unfortunately, also consumed with study on aphasia - and also on the rights of people with disabilities. I am thankful for the St. John school - and especially the Cummings family for becoming Mikes 2nd family of support - when I was unable. And while this list is surely not complete - as there are nearly one hundred people I could name….this list would never be complete without mentioning Kelly Meyer. She stood by David every single step of the way - as did her family. They were our neighbors. If youve read Davids book, Brain Attack, you know how very special Kelly was and is to our family. Many have asked if they are still friends, and yes they are. In fact, Kelly is joining us on the Aphasia Cruise in April of 2014. (And ALL my friends are welcome - we would LOVE to have many join us!) Lastly, I thank Davids dad, Jim Dow. While we were divorced when David was very young….Jim found a surgeon to operate when other neurosurgeons sold us that Davids case was inoperable. He did all he could to save our son…and later…he did all he could to help David recovery. Jim passed away in May of this year - but I am thankful he was the man he was - as he stood by even when he didnt have to. And finally, I thank God for helping us turn the most painful decade of our lives into something that is helping other people today. There are more nearly 1.5 million people with aphasia in the USA - that is more than Parkinsons and Muscular Dystrophy combined. Yet, most people never heard of it - because this is the one group of people who cant advocate for themselves. I also give thanks to YOU, my Facebook Friend. Im sure Ive been deleted by some as my soapbox on aphasia never ends - but my heart aches for people who have suffered - as our family has - and I just want to make it easier for them if we can. Education is so key - as aphasia is common - yet many people isolate themselves as they are treated as though they are dumb when they go in public. (as David was) Aphasia does not affect intellect. David was in a wheelchair. David remains unable to use his right arm and his ankle and toes are still not functioning. But none of that compares to the loss of language. We all take it for granted. We take reading, writing, understanding, and talking for granted. I thank God I could write this. I thank God you could read this. Not everybody can. I thank God for my son, David Dow - who has had the courage and tenacity and determination to keep standing tall and speak out on those who cant speak for themselves. I thank God for Christine Huggins and Kim Huggins who have joined us with the Aphasia Recovery Connection - after suffering their own losses. Christine was a Dartmouth grad and an attorney when she had a stroke with aphasia at 26. At the same time Kim was diagnosed with cancer. These two women are filled with courage - and inspire me every single day! And I thank Marla Adams, of Perrysburg, who sent me the lovely message that filled me with the thankful heart I feel today. Thinking of where we were - and where we are - reminds me that blessings occur - hope lives - and patience pays off.
Posted on: Mon, 02 Dec 2013 17:08:49 +0000
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