A few days ago, I made the statement to someone that I was so glad and relieved to see 2014 go....because I had been so sick (for 12 months to be exact). But actually, I am ending this year with healing. And I am very, very thankful and appreciative, and overwhelmed by it. As much as I was overwhelmed by a chronic illness, I am more overwhelmed with my healing, more overwhelmed with how God answers pray, more overwhelmed with His mercy and His goodness and loving kindness toward us. I spent 10 months of 2014 just trying to push through it, and trying to act like I was ok, trying to act like I was my normal self to everyone else. Life had to go on. I couldnt just let it bring me to a stand still. I still had to go to work. I still had a family. I couldnt just keep missing church. Life has to go on. And even though, I pressed on, I know that I didnt do a great job at any of it, but I did the best I could and thats all I had to give. On top of all that, depression and discouragement usually goes along with chronic illnesses --- I found out. And I had to push through that too. I was beginning to wonder if this was going to be permanent, if this is how my life was going to be from now on. And just like that! Just really, basically, suddenly, about the middle of October, I realized the pain that had been so unrelentless, never-ending, unforgiving, and so controlling of every second of my life for 12 straight months ---- was gone. It almost felt weird - when you have pain that never stops for one second, and now it had been gone for 2 days, and then 3 days, and then a week, and now over a month, it can feel weird because you have become so used to it being there. And the bad thing is -- I was so surprised. As much as I prayed for myself and had people pray for me, why---why would I be so surprised?!! I should not be. I know better! But one thing is for sure, I cant stop smiling about it. This may sound like an exaggeration, but it is almost like a dream. Three things that changed in me through all of this: 1. I have much, much more compassion for people who are suffering in their bodies. 2. During those months, I developed a much deeper understanding of, and a much deeper love and gratefulness and appreciation for, and a bond like never before with the holy communion. I absolutely cannot even think about it or participate in it without sobbing uncontrollably because it means so much more to me, thinking about what it represents and all that took place on the cross for me, and all that Jesus did for me on the cross, and all that took place in the Atonement --- it goes far beyond everything we could ever need in life. But one of those things ---Jesus body was broken - His bones were literally broken, His flesh was literally shredded, all of His blood poured out, and His organs swelled and shut down --- so that we could be healed. And we were. By the time He left the Garden of Gethsemane, He had became the slave of every disease and illness so that we would not have to, and He carried them to the cross and they died and were buried with Him.....and they were all taken far away along with our sin. But He was resurrected, finalizing everything forever!! And now I crumble at even the thoughts of communion. But thirdly....my faith has even more increased. God uses everything to make us more and more like Him as the time approaches when the Lord Jesus will be revealed.---
Posted on: Sat, 20 Dec 2014 23:26:02 +0000
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