A few things about what follows... First, this is writing/Pulp/Creative related. Not Personal. Secondly, even though not personal in that sense, this is about me in relation to writing/Pulp etc. Thirdly, I know posts like this might not matter to some and might even bother you. If so, just go on past it, but Im making this for me. And Lastly, this might be a long one. As this is basically my Facebook page devoted (mostly) to my writing, I feel what I’m about to say should go here. If anyone knows me, from those who’ve known me most of my life to those just following me as a fan (thank you all by the way), then they know that writing and creating is not a pastime for me. It’s not an obsession, it’s not a need I just can’t shake. It’s most definitely not the way I have ever expected to make my financial fortune. Writing and creating is more than all of those things. It is me. This is where some would say ‘a part of me’, but in a large sense, the fact that I write, that I create, that I have an imagination that will not stop… that is me. I have always attacked every word I’ve written, every story I’ve told, every idea I’ve nurtured with as much fervor and passion as I could muster. And I move through projects, some have said, like an unholy storm. Others have talked about how I’m building an empire or a legacy. Still others, especially lately, have used the term ‘monopolist’ in reference to me. All I’ve ever wanted to do was create, was to tell stories and help others tell stories. And to do that, I’ve worn a lot of hats and dipped my fedora in a lot of pies, all to varying degrees of success. But this has been my wont. I can say that this has been successful for me in many ways. I have been a part of projects, gotten to know people, been privy to wonderful lessons and secrets that I never would have any other way, all related to things that matter to me, things that I love. I’ve also taken on many things that, although they haven’t necessarily failed as it were (though some have), I have yet to complete, yet to follow through on. Projects I committed to. Ideas I started that still need to finish. Plans that have yet to come to fruition. Maybe we all do that, but not to the degree I have. Nor do most people honestly feel like they can do everything they set out to do when they construct their own tidal wave. I did and in some ways still do. In the past 12-18 months, what I do in Pulp and creating has changed, grown, and shifted. How people think of me has done the same, a lot to the positive and more than I probably want to the negative. I have been a part of some awesome events, brought great stories to readers, and given writers and artists a chance to be seen. I’ve also dropped the ball more than I care to admit, largely as a writer, but also in other capacities as well. You’ve seen, if you’ve paid attention, posts over the last 18 months or so here that were mysterious, but really hinted toward me being on a path of self discovery. I was and have been and always will be on such a journey, but largely what you read here had to do with me struggling with and figuring out where I was going creatively as well as deciding where I wanted to be in that sense. Was I a writer or should I just chuck that and focus on publishing? Reviewer or editor or both? Pulp pundit and movement organizer or just a guy along for the ride? I’ve thought about, dealt with, and yes even fought with myself about all these points. May seem silly to some, but again, we are dealing with something that is who I am. In the last months, I have gained a clearer concept of my place in all the ways mentioned above and just who I am, can be, and need to be in regards to that. Yes, this is melodramatic for some of you, the way I’m handling this, but it is my way and is what I need to do. I have reached a point many times in the past year where everything was just too much creating wise. Where I didn’t feel like I could go on, keep up, and then catch up. That I was going to drown. Obviously, I haven’t, and there are definitely some people who are hugely responsible for that. More than once, I contemplated walking away from the whole show, not out of frustration with it, but with me. And what made that less than a handful of people who are the reason I’m still here so important is that they all were ready to support me, even if I did hang up the hat and walk away, regardless of what it meant to their writing/creating/place in what we do. For that sort of support…and ultimate faith in what I would do, I will always be thankful. The point of this post, as I said, is largely for me. A declaration of sorts and again, although not the way most of you may handle this, this is how I choose to do this. I have a very clear image now of who I am creatively and not only where I fit in the various things I am involved in, but where I want to be in Pulp and creatively. Again, might have been easy for you as a creator to get there, but it took me a bit. But that part’s done. I am a Publisher and I have the pleasure of working with the best group of writers, artists, and staff possible. We are making magic every day at Pro Se and sometimes, being a fan of magic, I get carried away with that. Having said that, all of what we’ve done at Pro Se fits into the overall plan we’ve had. Growth and expansion is what we are about, both as a business and as a passion. The more we grow, the more stories get told. Do I want money to be a part of that. You bet, regardless of what some think. But for me, Pro Se is as much excitement as it is enterprise and will always be that way. I am very open to suggestions and ideas where Pro Se is concerned, but I’m also very focused on what I think Pro Se is and will be as a publishing house. I know that that doesn’t sit well always with some people and have been accused of everything from not knowing what I’m doing to favoritism. And at some point, I’ve probably been guilty of those things and more. But I do have a great understanding of my place in Pro Se and the direction it’s going as much as I affect it. I will not shy away from the fact that Pro Se is a leader in its niche market. I also will be the first to admit that Pro Se must grow beyond that niche to be as successful as it can be. And I’m focused on both. I’m also, I guess, a voice of sorts in what we do. There are parts of that I enjoy, parts I’d rather not have gotten into. For the parts I enjoy, I’ll continue the podcasts I’m doing and plan to get back to book reviews next week. Those are fun for me and a way I like to speak and be heard for Genre Fiction. As for anything else, I appreciate being considered an ‘expert’ in whatever or a ‘leader’ somehow, but my focus will be reviews and podcasts. And writing. I am a writer. And I have promised stories to several, many of you who will read this, that I owe you. And most of all, I have promised stories in my head that they would be written as well. This is why I have been overwhelmed. I have lost sight of what I do all this for. I publish, podcast, review, talk, and create…so I can write. And I am very much a child in a candy store in all this and have often taken on more than I could manage and end up drowning in all the wonder that I want to be a part of. And that does no one any good. So, this is sort of a ‘new day statement’ for me. There’s a lot of things that are epically behind, particularly writing projects. Some of those will get done, others might be cut. I know that may anger some people and for that I apologize now and will then, but it is the better choice for me. I need to get back to why I do this. I posted a few weeks ago that it had to be fun…and then it was fun again…but then my self constructed tidal wave returned. No more. I’m putting things in place so I can be the best at everything I try to do. That will mean saying, “I’m sorry, but I can’t ‘ do this project or that. That will also mean saying, “I had the best intentions, but I’ve failed.” And I can do that now, whereas I couldn’t so well before. Not because I’m any great this or that, but just because I know myself and where I want to be in all this mythical and magical awesomeness I’m a part of. There. That’s all. Thanks.
Posted on: Fri, 25 Jul 2014 22:38:49 +0000
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