A poem in tribute to a friend who just passed away and to all those who know another human being... PLEASE HEAR WHAT I’M NOT SAYING Don’t be fooled by me. Don’t be fooled by the face I wear. For I wear a mask. I wear a thousand masks... masks that I am afraid to take off. And none of them are me. Pretending is an art that’s second nature to me. But don’t be fooled... for God’s sake don’t be fooled! I give you the impression that I am secure. That all is sunny and unruffled with me - within as well as without. That “confidence” is my name, and “coolness” is my game. That the water’s calm and I’m in command... and that I need no one. But don’t believe me. Please. My surface may be smooth, but my surface is my mask... my varying and ever concealing mask. Beneath it lies no smugness, no complacence. Beneath it dwells the real me... in confusion, in fear, and in aloneness. But I hide this. I don’t want anybody to know it. I panic at the thought of my weakness and the fear of being exposed. That’s why I frantically create a mask to hide behind. A nonchalant, sophisticated facade... to help me pretend. To shield me from the glance that knows. But such a glance is precisely my salvation. My only salvation. And I know it. That is, if its followed by acceptance. If it is followed by love. It’s the only thing that can liberate me... from myself... from my own self-built prison walls. From the barriers that I so painstakingly erect. It’s the only thing that will assure me of what I can’t assure myself... that I’m really worth something. But I don’t tell you this. I don’t dare. I’m afraid to. I’m afraid that your glance will not be followed by acceptance. I’m afraid that your glance will not be followed by love. I’m afraid that you will think less of me... that you’ll laugh, and your laugh would kill me. I’m afraid that deep down I’m nothing. That I’m just no good, and that you will see this and reject me. So I play my game... with a facade of assurance without, and a trembling child within. And so begins the parade of masks. The glittering but empty parade of masks. And my life becomes a front. I idly chatter to you in the suave tones of surface talk. I tell you everything that’s really nothing, and nothing of what’s everything... of what’s crying within me. So, when I’m going through my routine, do not be fooled by what I’m saying. What I’d like to be able to say. What, for survival, I need to say but can’t say. Honestly, I dislike the superficial game I’m playing... the superficial phony game. I’d really like to be genuine and spontaneous, and me. But you’ve got to help me. You’ve got to hold out your hand... even when that’s the last thing I seem to want... or need. Only you can wipe away from my eyes the blank stare of the breathing dead. Only you can call me into aliveness. Each time you’re kind and gentle, and encouraging, each time you try to understand because you really care, my heart begins to grow wings. Very small wings Very feeble wings. But wings. With your sensitivity and sympathy, and your power of understanding, you can breath life into me. I want you to know that. I want you to know how important you are to me. How you can be a creator of the person that is me if you choose to. Please choose to. You can break down the wall behind which I tremble. You can remove my mask. You can release me from my shadow world of panic and uncertainty... from my lonely prison. So do not pass me by. Please don’t pass me by. It will not be easy for you. A long conviction of worthlessness builds strong walls. The nearer you approach, the blinder I may strike back. It’s irrational. But despite what the books say about man, I am irrational. I fight against the very thing I cry out for. But I am told that love is stronger than strong walls. In this lies my hope. My only hope. Please try to beat down those walls with firm hands... but with gentle hands. For a child is very sensitive. Who am I you may wonder? I am someone you know very well. For, I am every man you meet. And, I am every woman you meet. ~ Anonymous
Posted on: Sun, 09 Nov 2014 16:53:28 +0000
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