A white Sunday in Havre this morning. With a few days left to 2014, I look back on the year and wish I had kept a daily journal. So many ups and downs this year. I doubt I have had any year that I have added so many friends in such a short time as this particular one. I have been honored by hearing many life stories. Often they tend to be surrounded by tragedy as successes often are eclipsed and overlooked. Joy can be fleeting and needs to be focused on to remind us that better is possible no matter how low events bring us. Some of what has made it easy for me to jump into a wonderful discussion has been what some would consider tragedy. I have lost so many close friends and family in death in a short time, not the least my best friend and soul mate Theresa. As anyone reading this knows, Ive my own health issues that keep me focused on preparing for a serious improvement. I have a positive outlook through all this that seems to be admired by so many. I have such an advantage dealing with strife sorrow and tragedy which might seem very odd. My fellow travelers on this Earth can feel isolated and alone. I am so blessed with a lack of isolation. Friends fuel me. I have added friends that now I consider family. I was able to share with my sister-in-law Paula in a long call last night just how much everyone means to me. I am driven by the urge to pursue life with vigor to see, visit, and communicate with so many I seldom see. So many of you that know me have seen me seldom over the years. I profess unabashed selfishness in how I pursued the time I had with my family, particularly my mate. In 1992 Theresa and I were reunited. At a church camp out on the Spotted Bear river, she went with me for a drive to scout a cave at the roads end. She and I discussed how we would live our lives knowing hers was likely to be a short one. The Spotted Bear River road ride is a memory I never want to fade, we made our plans well. An old story here to most of you and if you are still tolerant of this missive I will revisit a few years ago. In 2010 I was in extreme misery with the recent rip and tear I live with. TJ had just obtained her eyes (Dusk the guide dog). In Havre there are sidewalks in disrepair and vegetation that intrudes onto sidewalks as well. I would walk with her finding the safest routes possible. Many allow their dogs free roam and find a dog in harness irresistible to harass. After safe routes were established I would drive them to track the mileage. TJ often was walking 15 miles a day, she was amazing! :) By the summer I could only keep up a few blocks before I was fatigued with pain and new infection. By the time TJ started having fevers I often was in bed and she had me set up to see a surgeon. Her problems began to overshadow mine at this time. As it turns out it was a sort of blessing. We were sitting next to each other holding hands so often our last months together. After she passed away, surrounded by her loved ones, I had to pursue my own health problems. The two failed surgeries I had impacted me seriously. Working in stone had me at 210 to 220 pounds continually. My work involves building wire baskets atop wooden pallets. These I stack with 3500 to 5500 pounds of stone depending on pallet size and stone type. 25,000 pounds stacked daily, every two days a semi load ready to transfer off the mountain to a county road for transport. With an injured lower back the toll is what I live with now. No regrets, as this allowed me to be my own boss and see to the constant medical treatment my girl needed. There is little I recall of 2011 2012 and early 2013. From 2012 to early 13 I only went out on the porch a handful of times, mostly I was in my bedroom. I was ill enough that constant prodding of Dusk kept me seeing to his small needs. By May I seldom left my bed. Familiar to some, at this time my mother had a renter next door. At times there were arguments between her and her guy. Sometime in the early spring and late at night she locked him out and he was breaking in. I cancelled all my phone service sometime before and had no way to call police. I was able to get to my moms place and get her to call police. The short walk there (She has three houses here next to each other) was very difficult. My son Peter had been present for his Grandpas and mothers death. He knows the smell of death and expected my passing soon. None of us knew at the time how valuable starvation was for me. One long stretch was 11 days with only lightly sweetened Red Rose tea for occasional sustenance. After that a palms-full of food every 2 to 5 days. I was in no shape to be protector of my mother let alone any tenant next door. That incident was so timely. Constant food irritation and elimination were seldom, and allowed a measure of healing. I began to eat ice cream in small amounts and progressed to pudding soon after. I researched what I might be able to do that would be low detrimental impact on my health. Pushups are cheap and easy to make time for. A set of 25 pound dumb bells were also handy. Walking away gout was an ordeal and the most difficult pain I had to deal with. Paul Kinniburgh walked with me so often lending an arm when I faltered. I have no greater example to live by in the pursuit of health than the example of my lost mate, she was a fighter! It would have been so easy to let nature run its course. Death was a close reprieve, but I felt concerned for those near me. The value I measure my life by is not of myself, but the treasure all around me bring. My income has been nil as well as medical bills beyond capacity. These I dont worry about, they are beyond me and taken care of as well. Thank you Mother for taking such care of this child of yours, you mean the world to me! I can add to that list of family all my sons and so many many more. Material possessions drive many, but really so much is of trivial worth. I have joy that I live and have loved beyond what most can only dream of. Communing in conversation many wonder why I am upbeat and encouraging with their circumstance. It is not what we have in our pocket, not what we wear, not the structure we live in, not the transportation we use that has such value. Those come and go. You and I are here now and our lives can be snatched from us so quickly and easily. Rejoice that you have opportunity to love forgive cherish those you know, and may soon know. Often we dont discuss our concepts and feelings well. Often we can pull up anger and bitter resentment and wear it as a viscous armor. Vengeance is so short sighted in the heat of anger. If anything pulls me into a state of near depression it is how we treat each other, whether they be strangers, friends, or family. There is so little of importance in the glitter we seek, the flash and spectacle, without the treasure of love in which we can share it. Love peace and forgiveness, forswearing undeserved vengeance (of which most is), mending relationships, treasuring the strengthening of those fragile bonds is such a sweet pursuit. It allows for beautiful conversation and makes deep bonds. I treasure looking my fellow travelers in the eye and speaking mind to mind, soul to soul. Everyone has treasure to impart, dont let them or you waste it by not listening.... please?
Posted on: Sun, 14 Dec 2014 20:43:12 +0000
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