All I ever wanted to be was a mommy and I was blessed with two beautiful babies and one little one that didn’t make the full journey of birth, his name was to be Benjamin. I wasn’t always the mommy I should have been. I too got wrapped up on Saturdays trying to get everything finished before returning to work on Monday, but June Cleaver wasn’t real either! However, I would like to share a Corrie story when I think I got it right at least once. Corrie was around 5 years old and it was one of those Saturdays, and as I said, I thought I had to get everything finished in one day. She asked me a couple of times if I wanted to play and I would tell her not now, when I finished cleaning the house, followed by telling her to get in her room and straighten up her toys. After about 3 more times of yelling from the back of the house “Corrie, did you clean your room yet?” I heard her stomp down that now infamous hallway. I went to check on her and it appeared she was in her closet, so assuming she was straightening it up I went to the kitchen and there was the snack drawer slightly opened. I slammed it shut because once again, no one else in this house could even close a drawer! I looked up and there was this beautiful little freckled faced child, holding her Barbie suitcase made out of cardboard standing before me. Under those blond bangs, 2 very blue eyes full of determination were looking up at me (which may be why I didn’t allow myself to laugh at her!). I asked where she was going, she said she was running away because I wasn’t fun anymore and she was tired of me hollering at her to clean her room. She opened the door and walked out, with me following her, determining the point where I stop this baby girl from traveling any further. As in all things in Corrie’s life, she stopped just short of that point, turned around and began walking back towards the house. Without saying a word, she entered the kitchen opened the snack drawer and then her suitcase which was packed with every Little Debbie snack cake we had in that drawer and a picture of our family that was taken for the church directory. That was the total contents she was taking with her to a better life! She said “I love you mommy, but don’t holler at me no more.” The kitchen floor waited to be mopped, the rugs waited to be vacuumed and the toilets were scrubbed later that night. We sat down on the floor and began to color in her favorite coloring book. We always teased her that she was the only one in the Talken house that knew how to pack light!. The point of this story is: little ones, I believe even more so today than in 1993, get so stressed out to the point of “running away”. So make sure, just because they are the only ones around, that you don’t take your stress out on them, as a matter of fact, it’s amazing how coloring can ease some of that stress!. I still have that picture we colored, dated and labeled “THE DAY I RAN AWAY” Corrie. I miss my Princess Freckles so much, thank you baby girl for returning home to me if only for a few more short years. ILY to Heaven and back. I am really praying about these flashbacks. I am praying for His peace to help me over this horrible thing that seems like it is taking over part of my life. If they just didn’t shut me down so badly I might be able to handle them. I swear if one more person asks me “Can’t you stop and replace Corrie’s beautiful face with the ER image?” I am going to punch them in their throat. That statement always makes me feel like I want to be a Martyr -WRONG….trust me I do “stop” because it literally cripples me emotionally for however long they last. Maybe if I try to explain how they happen it might clear up why I can’t “just stop” . There is nothing that I recognize that triggers these daymares…no warning other than a quick image of “ER Corrie“, my heart begins to beat fast, a lump begins in my throat, I begin to breathe so quickly sometimes I feel like I am going to hyperventilate and then the “movie” of that night begins to replay and I can’t stop it. There is no time in between all of the above to react. So, if anyone thinks it is easy to “just stop” I’d gladly trade you just one day so I can have 24 hours without reliving seeing my battered and bruised daughter. Enough said. Romans 15:13 May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. Ronnie and I wanted to find a way to honor Corrie and kept returning to her softball days at Helias Catholic High School. I am not telling you this to brag, I am telling you this because it makes my heart smile. We decided to make a personal donation to help the girls softball program (no money will be used from her memorial fund that is designated for her beloved elderly!). We met with Coach Dan Campbell and he asked if it would be alright with us to put our donation towards new uniforms. They purchase new uniforms every 5 years. We readily agreed and then he asked if we would mind if her initials were put on the softball uniform shirts. We were honored they would do that, so baby girl, next year you will be back on the team for 5 more years. From Cordawg’s family, Coach Campbell thank you. I want to thank another of my beautiful nieces Tammy Rackers Sachce. ILY and once again thank you. Also, please remember a very sweet, young mommy who is battling a rare form of breast cancer and has two young children. YOU CAN BEAT THIS KELLIE. My challenge today is when you see snack cakes or Barbie suitcases, I hope they make you smile and then send up a prayer for all the future little runaways that they realize things aren’t as bad as they thought and are comforted. Then COLOR, even if you can’t stay in the lines.
Posted on: Wed, 20 Aug 2014 21:22:53 +0000
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