Amanda Macfarlane, Andy Heron,Duncan McCondochie, Sandy MacDonald, Ruaraidh Macpherson, Luca Tex Seale - As Project fear has been handled with the characteristic incompetence of westminister I am taking matters into my own hands. Reasons to fear independence and resist it: 1. The colour orange will be outlawed rendering Irn Bru illegal within weeks of splitting from the UK. 2. With new passport and visa controls Scotts such as Tony Blair, Gordon Brown and Mel Gibson will move back to be full-time Scotts. You will have to live with these people. 3. After a short interval of (justified) hate-dumping the ability to blame westminister for things will be diminished. A further independence movement to separate the Highlands and Glasgow from Edinburgh rule will commence. 4. As an ulta-right wing Scottish nationalism takes hold it will become mandatory for all food to be deep fried and served with the Irn Bru replacement - possibly based on dandelion and burdock. 5. As the natural left wing balance of the rump UK is marginalised an English civil war will break out with the north invading the south, who will respond with air strikes. This chaos will mean easyjet will not be able to continue normal service for Scotts looking to go on holiday in the south of europe and you will only be able to holiday abroad in Iceland or Scandavia - where the permafrost weather never goes above -50 degrees C. (this might be OK for Duncan but he is only one man in the new Scotland). 6. BBC services of quality programming like Eastenders may no longer be available. 7. All shapes introduced in the last 300 years of British togetherness will be withdrawn and have to be researched from scratch - including such favourites as hexagons and elipses. 8. Young Scotts curious about life on the other side of the Tartan Curtain that divdes the once Great Island will start secret underground Cricket clubs. A sport once exterminated from Scotland will thrive again. 9. A massive influx of curious and mind blowingly polite yet patronising American tourists turning up proclaiming they are Scottish on the grounds of tenuous family links. It will be OK at first but for how long will you bear this? 10. As a european nation you will be coerced into adopting the e.u. standard toilet which is more prone to blockages and less effective at removing human waste. You will simply spend more of your lives unblocking toilets. All statements here meet the rigorous standard of fact checking and open truthfulness of statements made with regard to either side of the independence debate, and are entirely consistent with the standards of all major political parties.
Posted on: Sun, 24 Aug 2014 12:11:39 +0000
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