Anger after first receiving the diagnosis! How many of you felt anger when your child first received their diagnosis. Angry with the doctors for not recognizing, and/or listening, to you sooner; angry at yourself for not recognizing or advocating harder; angry with yourself for the missed opportunities that were lost in the time it took to finally get a diagnosis; and anger or guilt over how you handle situations in the past, knowing what know now, that you didn’t know then? There are a lot of emotions that flow when the diagnosis is first received. The post that follows is my response to a mother who is experiencing such feelings. I feel it is important, especially for parents of recently diagnosed children. The anger you are feeling is natural and common among parents with recent diagnosis. As a mother you feel directly responsible for everything that happens to your child. You are his protector, provider, emotional security blanket, social buffer, and essential life line. Now that you have a diagnosis, it is easy to think back and second guess everything you did, didnt do, or possibly should have done. We all do that. Parenting is a lot of guessing and second guessing, regardless of any disabilities. You are not going to make all the right decisions, and always respond as compassionate as you would like. You are a loving, very caring mother (otherwise you wouldnt be posting this message right now). You will get angry a lot while parenting (both at yourself and others). You will experience frustration, anger, and at times embarrassment at what your child does or doesnt do. There is nothing wrong with those feelings! They are natural human emotions that will come and go. Just because your son has aspergers doesnt mean you shouldnt feel frustrated, angry, or disappointed over his behavior, or yours and others reactions to his behavior. Just like you would with any child. Right now those feelings are intensified, because of the strong emotions you have over the recent diagnosis. You want to scream at times (Why me! Why my child!) and you immediately panic about what life will bring, and how much struggles it is going to be for him. Then you panic about how much struggles it will bring for you, and then feel guilty over feeling that way. Although those emotions will stay with you, they will get better with time, especially once you realize Asperger is a set of different abilities, rather then a blanket ticket to a horrible life. One of the major problems I see young parents make, is to get so wrapped up in the disability that they forget to enjoy their child. Remember that your son is a child first and a person with a disability second. Sometimes we get so wrapped up in the disability that we lose time with simply loving and enjoying the child. We tend to focus more on their disability, rather than their unique gifts. Yes, they will have some struggles that other children will not have, and it will require helping them bridge those differences, but enjoy the little things and share the positive experiences. Dont let the fight overshadow the joys of childhood. As far as getting angry at yourself, all children are very resilient and easily handle all the slips ups and emotional reactions we give out of frustration. As long as you love the child, and share the little experiences with the child, these little moments of emotional reactions simply bounce off the child. It is the underlying love and caring that stays with the child. The very fact that you are on here and reading this post means that your love your child very much! Will you be a perfect parent, or do you need to be a perfect parent, no! Just slow down a little, pace yourself, build friends with many families on here for support, and enjoy the ride. These children, all children, have so much to offer us that we want to make sure we experience it. There will be many ups and down, joys and cries, but don’t let them overshadow the good moments, and the value of parenting. You will find that your children, with all their difficulties and unique abilities, will give you a deeper sense of life, and a different more compassionate view of yourself and others.
Posted on: Fri, 28 Nov 2014 22:13:58 +0000
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