Beginnings are hard. The start of anything can cause many different emotions, for example: nervousness, excitement, happiness, anxiety, fear of the unknown, just to name a few. The beginning of the school year is always a challenge for my family. As much as the new term beckoned and the last two weeks of plans and coveted activities of summer were brought to fruition, the structure to which we returned was both welcome and, inevitably, a familiar source of stress. Even after all these years of school beginnings and all the well-known anticipated positives and negatives, it always feels new, raw, and the emotions associated with it are no less peaked. Thank God, each one of our three children - in three different schools, in two different states and on two different continents - has transitioned as best as we could expect, but the inherent concerns for each are no less present. Personally, the start of “my school year” has always been when I hear the Ba’al Tefillah start the famous prayer u’NesaneTokef in the Rosh Hashanah Mussaf tefillah. Growing up in our shul in Queens, Chazan Aryeh Rendel had the ability to make us feel as if the gates of heaven were waiting, open, and that the shechinah was resting upon each one of us. No matter how many times I have heard it before, the moment the tefillah begins, I feel that rush - that inner chill - and the lump in my throat swells. I fail, as always, at holding back the tears that begin to flow. And it reminds me that while I do not daven every day, I AM a spiritual person, and my connection to Hashem is real. I feel this even more so when I am praying and reciting the ancient language of my ancestors, but mostly when I am pleading to G-d for good health for my family and myself. The u’NesaneTokef, like none other, reaches deep into my neshamah, for with it I am asking for the greatest gift with which we may be blessed: the health and continued life of those we love most. Several years ago, I was stricken with a crazy virus whose diagnosis remains inconclusive to this day. I went to bed fine one night and I woke up the next morning in terrible pain and I could not move. There was no cure other than time and patience. This chapter of my life went on for months and was completely debilitating. It was then that for the first time I truly understood the phrase of the Tefillah, “me bamagayfa.” It was as if I had been hit with a plague. Thank G-d, today I am almost completely cured, but those words speak very loudly to me and to my entire family. The message is summed up in the age-old Yiddish expression: “Ah mentsh trakht un Got lakht…” A man plans and G-d laughs. As I recite the words of this Tefillah, some of the concerns that are running through my mind are: What will come down the pike in the future, and how will my children continue to grow and develop? What will some of the family milestones be? Will we all stay healthy? These concerns race through my mind as the preciousness of the gifts with which I have been blessed become ever more poignant in my reverie. My thoughts and prayers mingle, and the familiar emotions of angst, hope and gratitude surge in my heart. This is MY new beginning. My blessing for all of you is that G-d should watch over you, protect you, save you, and redeem you. May this new “beginning”, 5775, be filled with good health, much happiness, mazel, and peace for all of you. ShanahTovah!
Posted on: Sun, 21 Sep 2014 03:44:42 +0000
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