Burnopfield Hobson Golf Club Pigeon Back to league action today as we visited The Lintz to face The Hobson. The secretary for the Hobson is Dale Stake who is an old Grange Villa team mate of mine. Mick Tee’s fish finger looking moustache was being inspected by the army’s brigadier general Lord Clyde-Smyth-Prendergast-Brown in London at the home of the Horse Guards so he was absent today, but Billy Middleton Jnr the Ukrainian Cage Fighter was back from suspension. Speaking of the army Jaka the midfield general was available after passing his beret test the other week and Scotty Watson who is now also free of suspension suggested we all go out for a run army style in the New Year. This he said was to include the management, I told him I was too fat to run to the Arch and I only live 100 yards away. Gav has shaved of all his pubes and he showed of his itchy bits, they looked like an Asda Smart Price frozen chicken portion. The referee today was Gav Scott who was sporting a large Fu Manchu moustache. Greg was back in goal again as Right Said Tweedy was still stuck up the top of Burnhope Mast. Our former keeper Mad Stewy Hall came to watch. He lives under the bridge in The Moor Park and is said to be upset as the second hand furniture shop is shut and he needs a chair and a TV stand. Apparently Ferry the Enforcer said he spends his weekends sniffing tea light candles. The kick off was delayed as Scotty Watson had to nip back to the changing room for a poo. There was also a lot of dog poo on the pitch as well as mud, mole hills and uncut grass. There were no white lines. Schindler (without his Yogi Bear coat) spent the morning in the bushes looking for birds’ nests this was until the football got stuck in a tree.Iain Monkley said he didn’t want a cowboy suit for Christmas, his Dad said tough. Slug Marshall fell over and made a tackle with his elbow. This will be his last action on a football pitch for a wee while as he’s got a 6 game ban from the FA due to last week’s indiscretion. Joe Gill came of injured in the 2nd half as he got kicked in the tattoo by a 20 stone man and the dried beans have been removed from our water bottle holder. We lost 1.0 in a disappointing display but well done to The Hobson who were a well-organized side. Back at the club Peter Davison won the domino card 12 times and I caught him in the toilets with Pigeon Ray looking at Pigeons on Pigeon Ray’s phone I think his winnings will be getting spent on a new bird. Michael Philips the owner of the world’s noisiest child turned up wearing Granville’s coat from Open all Hours. Can all players please bring a prize for our Christmas raffle and well done to Glenn the Soccer Hooligan and Stanley Masons who progressed to the final of the Iveston Bowl Final. Some of the above are true made up stories.
Posted on: Sun, 30 Nov 2014 18:11:47 +0000
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